I have had a startling revelation that will revolutionize the way we look at relationships and well, men!
Everyone knows Bad Boys are bad news. Meh, that’s last century’s news. And yet – or possibly exactly for that reason – we are drawn to them and spend a considerable bit of our prime chasing illusions of acquaintanceship with them. But of course the Bad Boy breaks our heart. That’s what he’s supposed to do. Then we sigh and move on….to another Bad Boy.
The cycle, seemingly fatalistic has one way out – or so we are told. As maturity (or possibly too much heartache) sets in, we shed our illusions of wild, fast, furious, exciting love and pledge our troth to another kind of man altogether. Enter the Good Boy.
From a love-lifetime of having experienced Bad Boys, we automatically conclude that we know his exact opposite completely. NOT TRUE!
The Good Boy is not necessarily Prince Charming, either. He doesn’t get romance and tenderness any more instinctively than the Bad Boy. The Good Boy‘s connection to mama will be elevated to monumental proportions (in that there will be a shrine to mama) while in the case of the Bad Boy, it was only an excuse for his bad behavior.
What’s worse, I’m discovering, there is a price to be paid, a fee if you will, for life’s lessons. So after going through the Bad Boys, you come to the Good Boy expecting to be healed and kissed and made alright.
Instead you come up against a formidable presence that requires your clearing up your messes before you step onto his carpet, so to speak. There’s no sympathy forthcoming (and I’m about to believe this is the version of sulking that Good Boys prefer). It’s time to play hardball (again!) and negotiate.
These aren’t ruthless. Of course not, these are Good Boys after all. But there is negotiation nevertheless. And there’s the overwhelming sense of guilt and foolishness hanging over your own head for your past mistakes. Obviously you’re coming to the table with a weak hand.
I’m thinking the whole thing is a set-up. The Bad Boy is nothing more than marketing spiel to get our defenses dulled and weakened in time for the Good Boy to close in and finalize a deal that’s sweet to him.
GAH!!! Good or bad, a man may never be what he seems.
This Telegraph article made me laugh. I quote:
“You have beautiful eyes” was by far the most used compliment, picked by almost a quarter of all men, but only the third most successful.
The least used line was “You have beautiful ears”, which was also the second least effective line … except in the Netherlands and Portugal, where it proved the most popular.
I also winced through every item in this list on The Frisky of the worst pick-up lines ever. Then I got to thinking about the notion of pick-up lines. Is it an entirely Western concept? But no….our desi boys have their own version of it and it’s the only one they have! Guess what it is?
Yes, I do check out other women! Do you wonder why?
(Click on thumbnail to enlarge)
Every man continues in his current non-single relationship state (dating, just good friends, chasing, no-strings-attached, in love, married) unless acted upon by a force internal (dramatic negative behaviour by woman like nagging, extreme indifference etc) or external (subtle positive behaviour by other women like smiling, cleavage-flashing, PDA etc).
(Click on thumnail to see full comic on a seperate page)
Men are inertiatic.
The rate of change of a man’s interest in a woman is directly proportional to the force (external or internal: see First Law) and takes place in the direction of the force.
To every female action towards changing the First Law and/or implementing the Second Law, there is always an opposite reaction, at least verbally. Equal or not depends on the stubborness of the man concerned and could determine which way the relationship swings from there.
He passes her; she flashes an almost-not-there glance
Like she’s thinking deeply, unaware of staring
He watches her surreptitiously….hoping she won’t notice. Hoping she will.
She does. That’s why she doesn’t turn around and smile. Perhaps she will.
She doesn’t ponder over how silly she’s being.
You know you really need to get out and find some sex.
Are you offering?
Shoot the idiot who thought that men and women could be friends. Can anyone tell me why the above conversation annoyed me? I know why….I’m mad at myself for imagining that I could have a civil, friendly conversation with a member of the opposite sex.
Maybe we just define the concept of ‘friendly conversation’ differently but I can’t imagine swearing at my close friends, calling them names, dredging up their love life mistakes, family histories and what not…..less still in a friendly conversation.
But shoot me, I’m an idiot too. I thought we lived on the same planet. And spoke the same language.
Its certified! I’m a confirmed flirt-o-holic! Funny though, that while in the real world, the simplest flirting games make me shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other and change the topic, online I scatter fragments of my flighty, flirty personality like it’s confetti.
I have succeeded in flirting with a friend-woman (as opposed to woman-friend…men say that when they mean a woman they’re attracted to but don’t want to admit it!) and not made her run in the opposite direction screaming ‘WEIRDO”!!!
I have managed to pseudo-flirt with a longtime nemesis, the Evil Nandy by way of being vile back. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, ain’t it? Well, I have even propositioned him almost!!
And I now report perfectly normal, innocuous conversations that I’ve had with people I know read my blog, with ze dash of spice in a way that makes them wonder what I’m thinking and accusing me of being kinky.
I probably need a therapist. Ah, but I’m tempted to say
Also a lawyer, a doctor, a dentist, a salesman, a banker, an architect and a film-maker. Call separately…I don’t double-date! 😀
A friend of mine asks what is the best way to get to know a strange girl. I’m sure I don’t know. When I say I don’t know the best way, I mean that I don’t know any real way to get to know a perfect stranger.
Yet, I have been approached, propositioned, ‘hit upon’, asked out, wooed, chased after…and all the other things that are done as a prelude to the human mating dance. I’ve dated and had boyfriends and to be sure I wasn’t born with a little black book and all their contacts in it. Each of them was a stranger at some point of time. So how did they get to know me?
Was it an introduction by someone else? A common purpose or forum like college, workplace? Na….not quite…
*Staring into space…..oops the guy across the road thought I was ‘making eyes’ at him*
Still no clue…
I do remember the first converations I’ve had with most people who are anything in my life (yes and that includes the bottom-of-food-chain species a.k.a ex-boyfriends).
One of the memorable ones is the one with this great friend of mine. I noticed him at a college cultural meet when I heard him on stage and later I walked up and asked him whose words he had been spouting.
He said “My own”. Then he paused and said “I like to write”.
So I said, “Great…and I like to read!”
And that was that. With some people you just don’t need an introduction…the conversation flows like it had never ended before and never needed to be started up.
Another memory is the time I was introduced to ‘da dude’. Our preferences are probably defined and set in concrete during our teens, based on the ‘coolness’ learnings we get. This guy swaggered up and introduced himself and proceeded to say “I know” to everything I said about myself…name, birthday, interests, college, course, address. He really did know since we had common friends and he had taken the trouble to find out and what’ s more…didn’t find any reason to hide that fact. Moreover, ten minutes later, when the silly ragging started, someone hooted “So when’s the wedding?”. He shot back “When we decide we’ll send you a card.”
Definitely worth continuing the conversation with.
Then again, there are the others..
One morning in the bus, on my way to work, I was rudely interrupted from my dozing by an eager male voice asking if I’d move over my bag. I must have snarled at him and moved my bag wherein he slid into the seat next to me. Early-morning flirtations aren’t necessarily my favorite way of kick-starting a working day. About half an hour passed, during which I was subjected to a frequently ringing cellphone and detailed descriptions over his work, punctuated frequently by “I’ll be there in ten minutes and I’ll show you how to do it”. After a bit, I took out a bottle of water and had a sip. Mr.Very-Important-Job-to-do put on his suavest manner and blurted..”Is that rum?” I shot back, “No, its vodka but don’t tell anyone..its a dry day.”
Nasty? Yes, perhaps. As a woman travelling alone in the city I have to build some defenses and nastiness is one way to ward off unwanted attention. Just what about this guy turned me off? Well…I guess I took one look at him and knew I wasn’t interested and after that nothing he did would have seemed right. And then too, I was testing him to see if he was genuinely witty or just in possession of some pick-up lines. Since he had no witty comeback, I assume he was one of the kind that prowls bookstores for “100 new ways to ask a woman out”
Also, like a lot of women I know, I’m not impressed by men who try to impress me. Or at least…try so very obviously. It is an instant turn-off to have to keep listening to yarns about the guy’s long list of admirers (well, why don’t you go deal with them…don’t let me hold you back..) or how indispensible he is at work (really? how come you’re here talking to me? what if there’s a fire or a flood? what if the phone rings? what if they need someone to think?). Yes, I do like confidence….but so many people don’t realise that showing off is a sign of low confidence, not the opposite.
Obviously every woman has her unique preferences. A friend of mine likes nice guys. Polite, courteous, god-fearing types. She can have them all….they’re the kind I avoid like the plague. So she’s the kind who’ll smile back only at the guy who apologizes for bothering her and asks if she would be kind enough to direct him to the airport. (While I would be likely to say “If you can’t read the signs, however will you manage in a foreign country?”
Another friend only looks at men who ‘take the effort’. This includes dressing right, holding doors open for her, bringing her flowers….*yawwwnnn* (wake me up when the Mills n’ Boon is over). Now tread carefully here, polish your shoes and pour on the charm with a light hand.
I set store by my instincts especially about the liking meter for people I meet the first time. It isn’t scientific but it takes just a few seconds to know whether you are going to like the person or not. Nearly all of my friends are people I just felt drawn to the first time I saw them, and they to me.
In reply to his question I guess, I can only say keep trying and keep your fingers crossed. You can’t deny that one good start-of-something is worth a hundred other botched-up beginnings.