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Bluffmistress

* Ring Ring *

Hi! I just made a fantastic discovery! Call me Idea-Columbus!

What did you do now?

Remember the Bluffer’s Guide book? I just discovered that there is an entire series of them! In 2 minutes I will be the proud owner of the Bluffer’s Guide to Women, Relationships, Sex and Seduction!!!!

🙂 No kidding…I remember the book.

What’s more, I’m buying it for a friend as well…which is why I called to check back with you. You liked Men, didn’t you?

Uh, not particularly.

Ha! I meant the book. But you should like them at least a little I think, else your husband will have cause to worry.

Hmm, I do…but not exactly in such large doses.

Hehehehe….I’m going to keep passing on each Bluffer’s Guide to you as I finish it!

🙂 And that means a lot more Call the Bluff posts for the rest of you!! Of note, each of the aforementioned books is by a different author so I may not be splicing Mr.Antony Mason’s words anymore. On the other hand The Bluffer’s Guide to Women is proving to be equally rip-roaring! And no, it isn’t about female-bashing. Wait and watch… 😉

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Call the bluff on GIZMOS

The Guide:

Men are touchy about glib references to phallic symbols (even if the car is bright red and called a Probe). They do not see cars as ‘penis substitutes’ for two reasons:

  1. Few men can afford a Lexus or a Ferrari.
  2. There is no substitute for a penis.

IdeaSmith:

Size is of definite consequence in the man’s mind. Of note, mobile phones are probably the only things in the world about which a man will delight in saying,

Mine is smaller than yours!!!!

Call the bluff on HOUSEWORK

The Guide:

Men approach the state of the house rather like the Three Wise Monkeys:
See no evil, Feel no evil, Smell no evil.

IdeaSmith:

But you will notice, there’s no “Touch no evil“. Of course not, considering there’s a blanket assumption on all women being evil….and guess who is doing all the housework?

Call the bluff on THE MONTHLY VISITOR

The Guide:

The very idea of it makes men blush. There is only one thing worse: when men try to talk about it frankly and honestly. Then women blush.

IdeaSmith: Reminds me of a conversation with 2 male friends:

Man 1 (upon seeing grimace on my face caused by cramps): Bad time? Shall I get you some medicine? Uh, what medicine? Isn’t that called the Pill?

Me: No.

Man 1: But you look terrible!

Man 2: Laughter is the best medicine.

Me: I don’t want any medicine.

Man 1: But you look terrible! (like I didn’t hear it the first time….like I needed to hear that)

Man 2 (undeterred…but who says men listen anyway?): Why was there blood on the dance floor?

Me: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Man 2: Because Susie had her period!!! Hahahaha!

Me: *Slap slap*

Call the bluff on BRAINS

Tch, tch, people make good money from what I give out for free here on this blog. Credit where its due…a man does know how to get rich stating the obvious. So here’s the first as promised:

On brains (the ones that are supposed to be inside the head…umm..the one on top)

The Guide:

Men’s brains are bigger, by about 5oz which is why they find using the whole brain at any one time more exhausting.

IdeaSmith:

Throw in a choice of two heads….no wonder the pore thangs get confused…and well, we all know how men are about asking for directions.

Calling the bluff

men2.jpgJust finished reading a hilarious book. It’s called The bluffer’s guide to men. It isn’t so much what the book says as how it says it. Everyday, feminist/male-bashing XX Factor-type of commonsense is put into really funny revelations. I quote…oh but wait. I started to pick out my favorite lines and then realised I’d end up re-writing the entire book…and get sued for piracy or something like that I’m sure (though you can view a few choice exerpts here) So instead, my dear readers, you will be treated to liberal doses of references to this book in future posts and some of my own (nasty) thoughts on the same. Not that I bluff. Certainly not about men, anyway. 🙂

Mr. Antony Mason, I doff my hat to you for being a genetic oddity – a man with the ability to laugh at himself and his kind.

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