Daily Archives: December 18, 2020

Baby Invisible

I hide when we make love
I hide the way refugees hide in their own country
I hide inside my body

It’s a nice body
It has the right curves, the perfect inches
It gets a part in every male fantasy that auditions it
But it leaves no room for me

He kisses me hard on the mouth
His hand reaches between my legs
This body responds on cue
It opens at the perfect angle
Makes the right sounds

All the while
I’m making space for him
Because a man
As a guest or an intruder
Is still an outsider to this body

He moves in at will
Overpowers my inside & my outside
I’m pushed into corners
Making things easier, softer,
more comfortable for him

When he finishes, I think it’s my turn
To recolonize my body
I start to reclaim my sensations
But his hand reaches for my breast
Once again the body obeys his command

So I tell myself
I will find my being in words
I’m a writer after all
But he rolls over & breathes peppermint-and-sex laced words
into my face
BABY YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL
BABY I LOVE YOU

This question rises like a bubble to my brain
Explodes like a 100 firecrackers, bombs
It poisons my endorphin high
DO YOU KNOW ME? DO YOU SEE ME?
But he doesn’t answer because he’s asleep
He didn’t hear it because I didn’t say it

The last time he said I love you, I said why
And he said
Baby, you are wise, you are wonderful
You’re Superwoman with your red lipstick, your angry words
You’re my baby

These are his words
They leave when he does
My red lipstick smeared all over his body
What happens when he takes a bath?
Does this Superwoman run in the wash?

And this body that’s programmed to answer to his command
That responds on cue to his comments
Is just a colour-by-dots mass of cells
In his answer, in his words
I’m not me within my own body

But his hand reaches around this waist
And I’m scurrying to the crevices of my knees
Because those are places he never goes
This beautiful fantasy of his is pushing me into dark corners
And I’m a refugee, I’m hiding

Sometimes I bleed salt from my eyes
He pats my back, decides it’s PMS
And tells me it’ll be alright, baby.

Baby Invisible
That’s who I am
Hiding in the bylanes of my body
When he says
BABY I LOVE YOU

===============================================================

If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

%d bloggers like this: