Mr.Modern Man, Get An Identity!

There’s a strange character out on the loose. He calls himself the Modern Man. I am not sure that I like him very much. For one thing, he’s really hard to find. He pops up, in a sudden self-reference and then vanishes under questioning. Then he resurfaces during what should have been a good moment, to ruin it with a self-promoting boast. I understand that he’s still trying to find himself. While about it, here’s what I’d like to say to him. So listen up, Mr.Modern Man!

Doing a couple of household chores does not qualify you for a medal. Get to doing 50% of the housework, without being reminded, and as well as I can, and you can have the right to advocate equality of the sexes.

Not dictating what your lady wears, who she speaks to, and what she wears does NOT make you a great guy. It just means that you’re not being a control-freak.

Fail in these and your stand of ‘Independent women can take care of themselves’  just seems like a cheap attempt to shrug off even the minimal responsibility that a male chauvinist’s role carries.

What is the meaning of an identity that is defined solely by the evils that one does not practice? A weak one, that’s what. Who are you, Mr.Modern Man? Is there more to you than the fact that you’re not a rapist/control freak/jealous monster? Identity is what you are, not what you are not.

I get how difficult it can be to break free of conditioning and resist archaic social constructs. I do that all the time, myself. But it doesn’t stop there, for me. You go against the grain and you break what exists down, so you can build something new in its place. Try being more than what your erstwhile counterparts were not. Define yourself for your values rather than what you don’t do or how well you meet my expectations. Most of all, get some balls of your own. I don’t recall asking for those to be chopped off when I let go of Neanderthal Man.

You don’t get to be great by default. And if you want to be the equal counterpart to the Modern Woman, you know you’ve got a high standard to match. I’m not saying the Modern Woman is without flaws or even that she knows exactly who is she. But at least, she’s got some sense of identity beyond what you or your brethren want to make of her. And the one thing she won’t stand for is vague, empty words.

Come back to me when you’re a real person, not just a fanciful notion in pop literature. I’ll be delighted to get to know you.

*Image via Idea go on FreeDigitalPhotos.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on January 3, 2012, in Battle of the sexes, Gender Archetype, Times, they are a-changing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. The modern man is the guy who is termed as you’re a great guy and a good friend. He’ll be there when needed and let you be who you are. He’ll not judge. He will challenge you and talk. He’ll be the good listener and stand by you. He’ll give you your own place and not treat as arm candy or the one who is there to bring chai after the patti comes home. The modern man comes when you need him and disappears when he feels not wanted.

    • “The modern man comes when you need him and disappears when he feels not wanted.” . That kind of man is called the Butler 🙂

  2. The modern woman has a sense of identity? I wish that were true. But more often than not, it really isn’t. Just saying.

    • Fair enough. The Modern Man & The Modern Woman both need to find themselves. That doesn’t stop the Modern Woman from being opinionated about it, though! 😉

  3. Single Married Man

    Maybe it’s time to start waiting for the Post-Modern Man? 😉

  4. “Not dictating
    what your lady wears,
    who she speaks to,
    and what she wears does NOT make you a great guy”

    So in short nothing makes you a great guy…. (Damned if you do and Damned if you dont)

    It really is not about a guy or woman imho. It is about acceptance(accepting we are who we are with all our fault and good points) or trying to change someone to be acceptable to you .

    PS Cant get enough of your posts on https://xxfactor.wordpress.com. Good to see good thought provoking posts after along time .The brand posts do not get me all hot and bothered under the collar .

  5. If the Modern Man is supposed to be progressive, broadminded, generous and kind, then my Dad was/is a Modern Man long before the term was invented. So also my father-in-law. Not to mention my husband. These traits are not defined by time, age or era. For instance, I won’t say that guys in my generation are “Modern Men.”

    Modern or ancient, male or female – it simply doesn’t matter, I feel. A good person stands independent of the times s/he is born in.

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