What’s Sex Got To Do With It?

The recent India Today poll looks at the importance of financial independence, sexual satisfaction, romance and emotional security in a relationship. I’m most intrigued by inference that about half of urban India links sex & earning capacity while the other seems indifferent. That’s a neat but disturbing split right down the middle of this generation.

Most people now accept that it is important, almost necessary to be a double-income family in order to be able to even consider having all the benefits that urban life has to offer. We’re still struggling with the emotional upheavals caused by the changes in societal order but the need of the hour is to bring in the bucks and fast. So we’re all getting into the workplace as soon as we can and racing ahead at our best pace. But we haven’t quite figured out how that makes us feel about each other, have we? Does the average man feel emasculated by the equal or better earning power of his partner? Does the woman feel like the man is falling short of the deep-rooted standards of male superiority? And how does the relationship endure the burden of these frustrated expectations? I think the jury is still out on that one and where else would the confusion make its presence felt but in the bedroom?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on November 30, 2010, in Laws of Attraction, Times, they are a-changing, Yahoo! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Sex has got everything to do with it.
    Equal partner in every right, from the right to get the Os (I am just picturing singers right now :p ) just as much as the guy, to the right to expect every need, explicit or implicit, to be met.

    • @Hephail: I know, the title was rhetorical. And the answer isn’t quite as simple as that. We all know we’ve equal rights from a rational, black-and-white perspective. But conditioning, expectations, changing social norms and the resulting insecurities/fears in both sexes bring in newer levels of complexity. Don’t you think that might be responsible for at least some of the problems that couples face today, in the bedroom?

  2. What is the average man/woman?

    I am highly wary of any kind of study that talks about “average Indian man” or any such thing. Seriously, does that even exist? Only anecdotal evidence and individual viewpoints exist. While I realize that you ARE asking about individual viewpoints here, that above is my mild rant about folks who throw numbers and statistics around… 🙂

    • @Lakshmi: I hear you! At the same time, this mini-post was based on a story which in turn was based on a poll by India Today. The story itself had a fair level of market research-ey details and conclusions. I picked up only one of them to think about.

      I don’t think they actually used the phrase ‘average Indian man or woman’. But I’m assuming that the pollsters would have ensured the right kind of sample to be able to draw conclusions about Indian relationships. Yes, obviously that is an assumption and in line with it, I chose to believe what the results said.

      Taking that thought further, if we assume the poll results were right and half the people thought earning power had no impact on their sex life while the other people thought it did, what would you attribute that to? 🙂

      • The difference in viewpoints? Firstly, this is self-reported; so it really means that 50% of the respondents believed that their earning power (or the lack thereof) had no impact on their sex life. Who’s to say what the truth is? People cheat heavily on surveys, often picking suppsoedly favorable-sounding responses. Yeah, I took a class on Public Opinion (guess it shows!)… 🙂

        I can lay no claims to knowing (or even hazarding a guess as to) why 50% of the respondents thought otherwise. Is one viewpoint any better than the other?

      • @Lakshmi: 🙂 And I was a professional market researcher for 4 years so yes, I know all of those things are possible. But there are also ways to restrict if not avoid some of those issues. Data quality & consistency are hallmarks of surveys by reputed providers. I’m assuming an India Today poll would have taken care of these or sourced it to an entity that did. Of course, it is an assumption and I’m choosing to make it. Having made the assumption, I was pondering on what the reasons could be. This is all debate of course and not meant to be used for any actionable conclusions. But then again, this is an opinion(ated) blog and not a survey report. Cheers!

  3. Hi Ideasmith!I love your posts.
    I belong to the new generation yetI chose an arranged marriage.I work because I have passion to learn new things and apply those already learnt in my field of interest.It feels great to be able to go a store and pick what I like because Ican afford it.
    But at the end of the day, it feels good to be able to share your thoughts and musings with someone( emotional bonding) to be able to play in a naughty way even as an adult(romance), consequently satisfy the most important sexual organ-our brain which leaves us with sexual satisfaction.Without the emotional bonding, life is too mechanical.
    If the man feels shadowed by the woman in his life(based on academic or financial criteria), the harmonious sequence described above can never follow.
    Indians especially look for relationships among equals. I have not yet come across a newsreport saying that the female CEO of a company has chosen a male bathroom-cleaner as her mate(not that he cannot satisfy her sexually! but she will not even consider him as an option).

    • @anu: Female empowerment has a long, ardous task ahead before we reach the goal of true equality of the sexes. And taking on the foibles, the nonchalence, the non-expectations of men is part of it.

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