Independent, Not Man-O-Phobic

This post was written a few months ago. While it may be said that I was in an anti-man phase then (and have presumably recovered now), I find the thought behind this post still holds true in my head.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

It was a hectic week. Sunday lunch at my favorite restaurant, a midnight birthday party, a movie, a play, dinner-and-conversation twice in the week.

It looks like it is going to be a hectic month. Picnics, parties, long-awaited reunions, movies, shopping, city jaunts, long conversations, weekend getaways.

None of these plans have a man in the picture. Friends, colleagues, classmates, family. But no boyfriend, husband, partner or lover.

My job pays for my various (and occasionally expensive) interests. I have a wide circle of people whose company I enjoy and often do fun stuff with. I have a smaller-knit bunch of people who care for my health, my happiness quotient and my well-being. I have a diverse range of things to do and fill up my time with. I do what I do reasonably well and I get my sense of identity and validation from them.

I wonder now if men truly have become redundant in my life. And I wonder also, if that makes me a feminist.

I don’t hate men. I just don’t seem to need them anymore. The degree carried a definition of my life, the job brings me material security and mental stimulation, the people are my emotional support and my hobbies make my life worth living. It is an individualist life and I enjoy it. My needs are met and continue to sustain my lifestyle.

On a date, I carry with me, my wit garnered from my wide exposure, my opinions formed from the freedom and access to think and my ease of being that comes from the confidence of having lived this life for awhile. To a relationship, I bring the ability to listen and support, a willingness to share responsibility and the quality of non-dependence. But I also pack in an unwillingness to defer to an opinion I don’t subscribe to, a revulsion of playing second fiddle and an ego to match the individuality.

A desirable package overall (well, a lot of people seem to want my life – including me!) but not very conducive to a long-term relationship it would seem.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on July 5, 2009, in Battle of the sexes. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Well what makes a person redundant in our life?..well lets go to sexes as mentioned by you…you say that you dont need a male anymore..this is an interesting statement..because I dont think there is anything like maleness..ofcourse the obvious physicality is there..but then more importantly it is not just the only thing you look for in a partner right. So when you say you dont need a male anymore..do you mean you dont need a partner anymore?..if so I dont really agree..some of us want one, and others need one..and few others dont really care as long as they have one
    .-= rambler´s last blog ..Random Randomness #26/2009 =-.

  2. Is need gender based?

  3. Nice work. You keep working on this blog please.

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