Daily Archives: July 5, 2009

Independent, Not Man-O-Phobic

This post was written a few months ago. While it may be said that I was in an anti-man phase then (and have presumably recovered now), I find the thought behind this post still holds true in my head.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

It was a hectic week. Sunday lunch at my favorite restaurant, a midnight birthday party, a movie, a play, dinner-and-conversation twice in the week.

It looks like it is going to be a hectic month. Picnics, parties, long-awaited reunions, movies, shopping, city jaunts, long conversations, weekend getaways.

None of these plans have a man in the picture. Friends, colleagues, classmates, family. But no boyfriend, husband, partner or lover.

My job pays for my various (and occasionally expensive) interests. I have a wide circle of people whose company I enjoy and often do fun stuff with. I have a smaller-knit bunch of people who care for my health, my happiness quotient and my well-being. I have a diverse range of things to do and fill up my time with. I do what I do reasonably well and I get my sense of identity and validation from them.

I wonder now if men truly have become redundant in my life. And I wonder also, if that makes me a feminist.

I don’t hate men. I just don’t seem to need them anymore. The degree carried a definition of my life, the job brings me material security and mental stimulation, the people are my emotional support and my hobbies make my life worth living. It is an individualist life and I enjoy it. My needs are met and continue to sustain my lifestyle.

On a date, I carry with me, my wit garnered from my wide exposure, my opinions formed from the freedom and access to think and my ease of being that comes from the confidence of having lived this life for awhile. To a relationship, I bring the ability to listen and support, a willingness to share responsibility and the quality of non-dependence. But I also pack in an unwillingness to defer to an opinion I don’t subscribe to, a revulsion of playing second fiddle and an ego to match the individuality.

A desirable package overall (well, a lot of people seem to want my life – including me!) but not very conducive to a long-term relationship it would seem.

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