Why Committment Starts To Look Attractive

Ever since I’ve put up this slightly controversial (and I’ll admit biased and brash) post…actually even before that, I’ve been hit with the question of why I do want committment at all then if it’s such a terrible thing. My reasons may not be all deeply soulful or romantic or even honorable. As I see it, committment (read marriage) is a solution to a number of niggling, nuisance-ey problems.

Sure I enjoy the liberatedness of being liberated, the freedom to decide my own social life, the no-responsibilities carefree lifestyle that my committed friends seem to envy me for. I have written about the virtues of being single.

But there are plenty of things that I don’t like about being single. Being single means a whole lot of things to a whole lot of people (many of whom in my esteemed two-bit opinion shouldn’t poke their nose into my life at all). Here are some reasons I would like to be in a committed relationship.

  • Wives of guy friends do not view you with immediate suspicion assuming that you’re just scheming to steal their man away, never mind that fact that you’ve probably had a chance to do that if you wished much before they even set foot in the man’s life.
  • You are not required to be a last-minute escort (if you’re female) or chauffeur (if you’re male) for out-of-town single friends of friends/family.
  • You don’t get mysteriously dropped out of movie/dinner plans with friends who are all now part of twosomes each.
  • Other women (even your friends) don’t make direct or indirect references to your supposedly exciting, fast-moving sex/dating life.
  • Eyebrows don’t shoot up when you pick up a baby or coo to a child. Who says single women can’t be maternal?
  • You are not automatically put into one of two buckets – repulsive/sick/defective or flightly/fast/sluttish .
  • You aren’t the target of unwanted and embarassing attention from married men of the neighbors/schoolmates/husbands of colleagues/ex-boyfriends variety.
  • You are allowed to have problems too and no one shuts you up with “What do you know? You don’t have to run a household/adjust to a man/kids to look after.”
  • You don’t have to leave parties and social engagements early so as to avoid imposing on friends to drop you home.
  • Your family is willing to let you live your own life.
  • Your personal life and social calendar doesn’t become everyone’s personal property for value judgement – relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors, co-passangers.

Obviously these are not ALL the reasons to get into a relationship. If anything these are the ‘fringe benefits’ of a relationship that have started to become so important that I’m inclined to think a good number of women would want to commit just so they can enjoy all of these. I’m really tired of having to fight a battle each time I want to do something, simply because I’m single. The same thing seems to move so much faster for women who have an ‘attached’ tag on. Granted social engagements and lifestyle options aren’t the most important things in the world. But that’s precisely why it seems like such a waste to have to go to so much effort for something so minor – or go without.

A relationship has its uses and I’m unabashed in saying that I intend to enjoy all of them fully when I get into one.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on February 1, 2009, in Relationships, Survival Guide, The Dating Game, The Sisterhood, Times, they are a-changing, Unholy Matrimony and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Is it a coincidence that you brought this up… this weekend I was thinking whether to finally give up being single and give in to my folks’ subtle (and I really do mean subtle) pressure, or not.

    I am still undecided 😀

  2. Hey Ideasmith,
    I couldn’t agree with you more!
    Esp the part about everybody’s business.
    I had enough heckling to last a lifetime when I was single..
    but let me tell you, it does not go away. The aunties DO have NOTHING better to do than trouble you.
    They started on me to have a kid about 2 weeks BEFORE i got married!
    Oh F$#% , IT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Agree to all the points.. total nod for the one which says that your family will let you live your life…
    But then, its not all after you get married.. then there are a different set of issues where ppl will eat into your sanity.. ask me ! 🙂

    Ms Taggarts last idea: Amnesia!

  4. I agree w/ Rachna- after u are married, your biological clock becomes public property- when will you have a kid/have a boy kid?

    In my case- when will you finish school and settle down? meaning pop out a kid.

    I wont go into “why contraception(pill/patch) is bad lecture

    Since you are still a student (w/ much free time) why isn’t the house sparkling?

    Why didn’t you cook chappatis you lowly cow? You know your husband loves them. Or what you made rice/rasam or sambar again?

    The shit never ends.

    Also I notice that other ppl/aunties have problems not your spouse. Hmmmm.

    La Vida Locas last idea: An irony

  5. u r going to love this-
    I was hanging out at a neighborhood chaat shop and the owner asked me to tell a particular young gal(someone I kinda know, about 23) to get married and settle down. It took me quite a while to recover from that shock!

    La Vida Locas last idea: An irony

  6. @ Ms.Taggart- I totally agree with you- I’ve also had lectures on why contraception is bad, and even MORE about Boy Kid!!
    Aarrghhh!

  7. @ Hyde: And when you do decide, let me know. I’m still wondering.

    @ Rachna, Ms.Taggart, La Vida Loca: 😦 Gaaaaah!

    @ La Vida Loca: It happened to me on a cruise in Greece. A Belgian couple sitting next to me struck up a conversation, asked me how old I was and then shook their heads and said, “You really ought to be married by now.”!

  8. I seriously going thru same, nothing troubles but the point “Your personal life and social calendar doesn’t become everyone’s personal property for value judgement – relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors, co-passangers.”
    esp friends..(For others it doesnt matter) but friends are people who i choose and they start taking your time for granted and they start expecting that when they need your are always available but when you need them…they have to look into their priorty list …this was horrible experience Infact i got so damn frustrated with this kind of treatment …I just wanted to prove being a single is boon…and decided to go on an implusive trip on my own… And believe that was a trip i enjoyed the most…..and now i believe who needs commitment….Being single is the best thing that can happen,..Freedom is all about freeing your Soul and letting it live in air ..Rather than worrying about social obligations……Thanks a lot for such nice post…..and also one more observation
    And when in office …everyone expect us to work 24/7 as we have no household responsibilities to carry…. 🙂

  9. No matter what I have decided myself that commitment is not my cup of tea. 😳

    p@r@noids last idea: Are you a Google Friend Connect user?

  10. @ Anubha: You remind me of the protagonist of ‘Ladies’ Coupe’ by Anita Nair. Have you read it? Do…it’s lovely.

    @ p@r@noid: 😀 And more power to you, independent one!

  11. You make blogging look like a walk in the park! I’ve been trying to blog daily but I just cant find writing material.. you’re an inspiration to me and i’m sure many others!

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