Playing doctor

While on this monologue, I passed over one particular profession. The noble one so to speak. For a fact, I haven’t ever dated a doctor. Well not a noble man either. Or a nobleman for that matter. Assuming for the moment that those of Apollo’s profession may have a strain of blue blood in them, here’s a look at the doctors I’d like to have a romantic appointment with:


Paediatrician: A man who’s good with kids is always a turn-on. Major. Uh, he would know about diapers too, wouldn’t he? Just checking..just in case.










Cardiologist: Considering that he is qualified to handle the human heart, perhaps he’s less likely than other men to break it?


Psychiatrist: What’s more appealing than a man who lets you lie down and keep talking and just listens? *Sigh* Even you do have to pay him to do that, it might be worth it just to find out what an actual listening man looks like. Besides, for a good ol’ brain-fuck, who better than the head-shrinker himself?

Surgeon: Aren’t these the guys who are supposed to have long, deft fingers? Ah. 😉


Gynecologists and Obstetricians do not make it to this list due to their professional proximity to the feminine form. I’d hate to be in the company of a man who seems to know more me than I do.

For the same reason, Endocrinologists fall out as well since I’d never be able to use the ‘I’m-done-to-chemical-death-with-these-hormones’ excuse on them.

I end this with the reminder to take this post just as seriously as you would this.

(Karaoke version of the original) 

by Peter Sellers & Sophia Loren

Her: Oh doctor, I’m in trouble.
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.
Her: For every time a certain man
Is standing next to me.
Him: Mmm?
Her: A flush comes to my face
And my pulse begins to race,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: Oh!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.

Him: How often does this happen?
When did the trouble start?
You see, my stethoscope is bobbing
To the throbbing of your heart.
Her: What kind of man is he
To create this allergy?
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: Oh!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.

Him: From New Delhi to Darjeeling
I have done my share of healing,
And I’ve never yet been beaten or outboxed,
I remember that with one jab
Of my needle in the Punjab
How I cleared up beriberi
And the dreaded dysentery,
But your complaint has got me really foxed.
Her: Oh.

Her: Oh doctor, touch my fingers.
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.
Her: You may be very clever
But however, can’t you see,
My heart beats much too much
At a certain tender touch,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: I like it!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.

Him: Can I see your tongue?
Her: Aaah.
Him: Nothing the matter with it, put it away please.
Her: Maybe it’s my back.
Him: Maybe it is.
Her: Shall I lie down?
Him: Yes.
Her: Ahhh…

Him: My initial diagnosis
Rules out measles and thrombosis,
Sleeping sickness and, as far as I can tell,
Influenza, inflammation,
Whooping cough and night starvation,
And you’ll be so glad to hear
That both your eyeballs are so clear
That I can positively swear that you are well,
Ja-ja, ja-ja-ja-ja.

Her: Put two and two together,
Him: Four,
Her: If you have eyes to see,
The face that makes my pulses race
Is right in front of me.
Him: Oh, there is nothing I can do
For my heart is jumping too.
Both: Oh, we go boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: How audacious!
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: How flirtatious!
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: It is me.
Her: It is you?
Him: Ah, I’m sorry, it is us.
Both: Ahhh!

About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on November 26, 2007, in On a lighter note.., The Dating Game and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Dr.Rashmi Singh

    LOL . . .posted d link to my pediatric n surgery seniors . . . dey r gonna luv it 🙂 . . .but sinc yu hvnt dated ne doctor i can hv my expert opinon voiced 😛
    pediatricians : d uber softie kinds!!! emotional . . . consided most feminine only after male gynaecologists 🙂 . .. baby treat yu, pamper yu . . .yu r queen of my world types . . .no games, no excitement. . .wil prove ideal husbands !!
    surgeons : defntly d ‘men’ of medical profession . . . strong, intelligent,witty everything-at-my-disposition attitude . . .they think (read know) that they can have their pick of girl . . .wil count yu 2nd to their operation theatre in d priority list . . n r too proud of it . ..but somehow i’ve seen that their wives r always happy. . .girlfriends too !!
    orthopedicians . . .they r mechanical engineers of d medical world . . .all d traits of a surgeon with rawness personified !!! absence of women’s touch in their life z too evident !!! unpolished but nevrtheless too manly !!!bonus for their sense of humor n wit !!!yur presence in his life might be more acknowledgd by his collegues dan him self , cuz yu r certifyin him to b a civil man worth havin a woman !! my heart z wid one of ’em . . . 😉 n he z nurturing it little too well . ..
    Medicine (cardiologists included) – the pedigreed pups 😦 . . .life devoted to patients . . n yu’ll find him drowned in voluminous books for like ever . . .he’ll always find an xcuse to study . . .its his destiny, not dat he can escape . . wil be taking degrees till eternity, i feel genuine sympathy towards their wives n children!!!n girlfriends…huh…take d risk if yu want too much security. . .for they wil almost nevr double cross yu (infact they ‘can’ never. . .they hv no time for it)
    gynaecologists : yuck !!! y r v evn talking abt dem . . . dating dem z almost lyk turning bisexual !!!

    wots yur pick now???

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