I love you, I love you not

Alphabet Soup sets me thinking with,

Relationships are so much like going shopping for clothes.

While The Lady counters that,

They either want you, or they don’t. There is NO in-between.

I’ve been on both sides…the garment and the wearer, so to speak. And I wonder…do some of us simply fall in love with people because they are in love with us? In love with the idea of being in love. As the cliche goes, it is better to settle for someone who loves you than someone you love.

All I can say is…

It is difficult to let go of someone you love.
But its far tougher to let go of someone who loves you.

The first is good for you. The second is good for them.
And when it comes down to it, its always about ME over ANYBODY ELSE.

Self-preservation is an essential survival skill. So long as you are clear whether you want to be the garment or the wearer. Most of us aren’t.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on November 7, 2007, in Bookmarked, Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Well the fact that we are above all in love with the idea of being in love is a very very evident… and yes its that – a fact. Not an opinion, not an idea, not anything else – but a fact. lol

    Anways, cynicism aside, its true that its tougher to let go of someone who loves you…. freaking difficult.

    It’s like this. ” I dont love you enough to ask you to stay, but dont have the courage to ask you to leave”

    Damn our addictions!

  2. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and i really like it..

  3. It is great to see that people see compromise as an option to pride about.

    Its like asking a kid – do you want to play soccer for the rest of your life – or do you want a 9-5 job where you are assured for earning well for your family?

    Its sounds so refreshing that every person has resigned to the fact of wanting to be loved, rather than be in love.

    Is there no place for you to feel the goosebumps, the uncontrollable urge to desire, possessiveness, at times obsession, to just love.

    Is there no place for a soulmate anymore?

    Or are we all resigned to the fact that we have compromised.

  4. personally I would prefer the second type, choosing someone who likes me..

  5. and what happens when you give up that someone who really likes you and next time round can’t decide whether to accept someone just because he/she loves you all the same?

  6. I guess it is a sign of growing older, wiser and of course sadder and more frightened.

    Fear to go through the emotional turmoil and depression after losing someone you want so dearly.

    Someone loving you saves you from all that.

  7. Symmetry is a lot better than confusions. It best to be a garment to someone you’re going to treat as a garment. And if you know you wont be so, that you’d be more, or if the person is letting you wear them, then do everyone a favour and shop for new clothes.
    After all, if you’ve been a garment once, you’re bound to know what it feels like.

  8. @ greekalphabet: Or our vulnerability?

    @ chloeli: Thank you very much! I hope you’ll continue to like it..and post comments as well. This blog is more a conversation than a single person’s thoughts.

    @ Sleepyhead: I don’t think it’s resignation at all. If we had a choice, I think all of us would prefer to be loved more than be the one loving more. Self-preservation isn’t a sin and if it is, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And yes, age and experience do make us more cautious and willing to seek out ‘balm’ for our wounds rather than people we can love.

    @ Rambler: Ditto you. See above.

    @ S: If I had all the answers..if I only did…but oh if I did, I’d be dead!

    @ ‘nonnymous: That’s utopia.

  9. Your answer contradicts your statement.

    “And yes, age and experience do make us more cautious and willing to seek out ‘balm’ for our wounds rather than people we can love.” -isn’t this close to a definition of compromise?
    Young never seek to avoid wounds, they just do what is felt within.

    Self preservation is completely different to compromise – don’t mix it. One can avoid compromise and still live life for a long time.

  10. @ Sleepyhead: Perhaps this deserves a post. I think it’s just a matter of what you consider important enough to you to never compromise on and what other things you think it just makes practical sense to overlook. For some people, it is being in love with the other person. Each to his/her own, I say.

  11. You are saying “I have become wiser”. I am saying “I have become sadder”.

    Two sides of a coin I guess. Wonder what the truth is.

  12. Nah… just Idealistic achievable ‘appropriate’ behaviour. Labeling it utopia is just an excuse to slip out of it.
    But then its human nature to be selfish and justify it too right? Sick.

  13. Some one is trying to sell me “Love is practical”; aren’t we supposed to be courteous to that.

    On a more realistic note – we would agree that it is an insult to human intelligence.

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