History and chemistry
Rambler asks what we think of this crazy little thing called love…though he calls it attraction. Ah…a rose by any other name would have the same thorns..
Attraction, a thought which keeps baffling me day in and day out. what it about attraction which makes it hard to define?, why is it that we get attracted to few people and not to others, what makes them stand out in crowd to us. Something which might be as subjective as it can get.
I say it isn’t all that baffling after all. Or perhaps I’ve just traded in curiosity for resignation.
Do you ever notice how repetitive we are in our so-called free choices? Like we are creatures of instinct and habit rather than of balanced, objective desicions. Yes, it is true and never more so than in the mating/ dating/ love/ sex game. Those are after all called our basic instincts.
I believe in the interaction of chemicals…hormones, pheromones et al. Chemistry really does make this world go round. Chemistry has bizzarre results but it is perfectly logical.
I also believe in Oedipus and Electra. The world is spinning at far too quick a pace, sensation-a-second for us to be able to make split-second objective desicions every time. More often than not, we’re relying on past data, ancient wisdom, recycled ways of thinking.
I’m not opposing what Rambler says about attraction being in the mind. Indeed it is….even for the most hormonal, unemotional creature. If it weren’t so, then as Rambler rightly points out, we may as well go around grabbing any body that fits the requisite mold. But, I doubt whether it really is a matter of free choice either.
Yes, it is about more than just the body. I sometimes think, that I’m more attracted to a person’s body language than their body appearance. That’s just the same thing, isn’t it? Body language after all contains subtle complicated cues about a person. There are the obvious pointers to energy levels, restlessness, activity/passivity but also confidence, grace, tenderness, firmness etc. And….when you think about it…..really hard…..don’t they also gently remind you of something else, someone else long ago? Memory is too deeply rooted in us to not make its presence felt in something as basic as attraction.
After much pondering and agonizing and cribbing, after endless cyclic conversations, after all this reading and talking, I’m no closer to the answer to the question of
Why do we like the people we do?
Or rather….sometimes I know. But you know something? Just knowing why something happens is not enough to control it happening. And hence we go on being attracted to ‘the wrong kind of people’, stay in bad relationships, drift from one unhealthy obsession to another toxic addiction.
Interestingly enough, someone once told me that I was obsessed with intellectual masturbation. Well, what do I say to that? All these years later, I’m still drumming out the very same words, this time on an open forum and getting an unseen kick out of it.
The bitch about intelligence is that it gives you an illusory sense of power…that you can control your own destiny. I don’t think you can. Don’t hang me for being fatalistic, I did try going the scientific route in this inquiry too and it brought me to the same place. Ah well, all roads lead to the same exquisite hell.
What use is a question without an answer? Well, what use is an answer that doesn’t stop the question from being asked over and over again?
I say, no great mystery, it’s all just history and chemistry.