Welcome to the Metrosexual era

So we are a city of metrosexual men? Hmm. I guess I should revise my preferences. Let it never be said that I’m not fair. So welcome, men, to the joys of beautification! That said, let me extend the olive branch to my insofar suffering male counterparts and attempt to smoothen the process for you. After all, I have been a woman all my life, tomboyishness and gender stereotype dilemmas notwithstanding…I still do have a leeetle more experience than you in this department.

As a gesture of welcome, I present a handy manual on all things that you’ll have a chance to learn now that you’re on beauty-territory:

Tired of being Beauty’s Beast?

Do you wish women would swoon over your smooth, shaven cheeks? Your dapper dressing? Your smart shoes? Your head-spinning cologne?

DO YOU WANT TO BE A METROSEXUAL MAN???!

Congratulations! Now that you’ve made up your mind, whipped out your wallet for the potions and creams, what’s next? The clothes don’t make a man…alone. We are here to help you be the complete Metrosexual Man!

Presenting a path-breaking programme that ensures that you are truly beautiful in every way….

1. Accounting – Time and for money: How to fit a before-date makeover into one free hour and a limited budget. Extras include time-stretching ploys, excuses, haggling and screaming over the din.

2. Survival kitting – How to assemble your own personal tool-kit for makeovers, quick-fixes, first-aids, touch-ups.

(Click on thumbnail to see full comic on a new page)

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3. Discomfort management – A guide to living and loving starch, pins, elastic and pretty but comfort-challenged fabrics. A special booklet on Spandex for aspiring superheroes!

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4. Dealing with support staff: Essential beginner’s guide to bargaining, quality assessment, communicating body fit requirements to tailors and the value of an amicable relationship with your hairdresser.

5. Body language modification: A practical course on how to walk, stand, talk and perform all other basic human movements with maximum grace and minimum discomfort.

Say bye-bye to the Beast! Hello, Mr.Beautiful!

Interested applicants may leave a message here and we’ll get back to you.

Note to women friends: Any volunteers wanting to help me get this in order? No laughing allowed….till after we collect the fees!

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on September 12, 2007, in Battle of the sexes, Gender Archetype, On a lighter note.., Survival Guide, Vanity Unfair, XXFactor series and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. A crash course with a wrong intention. What may become of the world now.

  2. @ Peeyush: So I won’t be receiving an application from you? But ah…what am I saying? You could probably teach the class. 😉

  3. haha…nice post, but dear , the truth is, by the time you complete teaching all these things to your first candidate, he will already be 70! 😉

  4. btw, must see for you, Death proof!! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1028528/) for all girl power!!!

  5. Liked your new banner a lot.

    hmm not so much interest in the course :), like it natural 😀

  6. LOL…Too funny…. Specially the part about the no of things they need to carry around 😛 “mustache trimmer, eyebrow comb..” LOL 😀

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