Stubborn old maid

As with everything else, being pushed only makes me firmer in my place, even if I have an idea that I could change. This desperation connected with the marriage search is getting on my nerves again and once again I can feel my rebellious streak rising as I get ready to throw off the whole damn thing out. I can’t help it…it’s like being forced underwater and you can’t help struggling to get back to the surface to breathe air again.

Why should I be the one to willingly and ‘joyfully’ make the compromise?

What gives anyone the right to say that twenty-eight is too old and that I’ll get ‘left on the shelf’?

As I see it, I have a perfectly good life and I’d be insane to deliberately try and make it any less than it is by condemning myself to second-class citizen status for a man who demands much and appreciates so little. I have no chance of being happy in this situation or making anyone else happy either. And as for being left on the shelf, I’d much rather stay here than be carried away by a man who so obviously is less than me.

I seem to stand for a very tiny minority..if not all alone. Everywhere I see women making grave compromises to get into relationships with men who have very little respect for them to begin with and lose all of it the more the woman sacrifices. And alternately I keep slipping in the bogmire of insecure desperation of women who aren’t married and are getting frantic enough to stoop to such vileness as bitching, boyfriend-snatching and multi-man-managing. And finally of course the depression of women I won’t judge quite as harshly as they haven’t quite turned vamp as gotten resigned and succumbed to despair.

I’m not going to do that, by God I’m not. I’ve never been petty and I’m not going to turn that way now. It took a very, very bad experience for me to stop being needy and I’d be a fool to throw away the lessons and strength that came from there. And I’ve lived with my personal code of values through much weaker, more demanding times and not budged. I’ve never done anything that I need to be ashamed of and to date, I can look myself in the mirror with pride.

Enough of men have messed my life intentionally or otherwise. Now that I’ve found my freedom and my inner peace, damned if I’m going to let anyone take it away from me.

If that makes me a stubborn old maid, so be it.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on August 11, 2007, in Hormone hangover and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Ideasmith, you really are brave and beautiful (and I’m not just talking about the avatars). Don’t give up and compromise, keep looking!

    Either marriages are permanent, in which case it would be foolish to rush into one. Or they are not so permanent. In which case some of the good men who are married or in stable relationships right now will become available again.

  2. Couldn’t agree more to this one..I also liked your earlier post on the kind of men available now (1 to 6)..Couldn’t agree more to that one either..I don’t know if you are being brave, for me I have no other choice..

  3. @ AnonEcon: Thank you very much. Much as I hate to admit it, I need validation sometimes…especially moments like this that make me feel I’m the only one standing and screaming for what I know is right. Once again, thanks for the validation and support.

    @ Suman: I don’t know about brave either. We always do have a choice. Not saying that its easy or comfortable or even surer of a happy ending, though.

  4. Agree Agree Agree with u all the way………….

  5. @ Mishi: Ah….let’s form a ‘Compulsive Singles’ army!

  6. Call me an old married hag but really women aren’t always stupid and men aren’t complete idiots…think about it…there really are happily married women 🙂 don’t let the past experiences make you cynical (and don’t bop me on the head next time you see me)

  7. Avantika,

    I am not against getting married per se. I wonder if any of us are. The issue is about making a choice as freely as a choice should be made.

  8. @ Avantika: I’ll remember you when I’m wracking my brains trying to think of happy, married couples…as a rarity 😉 Okay, I’m kidding, I had forgotten. Was in a rotten mood when I wrote this post, plizz to ignore my ranting. And no bops on the head, I like your hair too much!

    @ Suman: HEAR! HEAR!

  9. Your comments seem to be a mixed effect of meeting the wrong “suitable” guys and then going back to your past and remembering something special and missing it.

    You are not an old maid. You just need to calm down for meeting the sour ones out there.

    Given a chance, yes, life is beautiful in solitude. But I don’t think it is possible in an Indian society, even if you a man.

  10. Although you do sound a bit harsh, I do like this post! You may have been in a rotten mood when you wrote it, but I think you speak for a lot of women.
    To the Men/Married Folk: I don’t think she’s male bashing here or stating that all men/marriages are bad, but rather, it is extremeeeely difficult to find a good man and settle down.

    On the contrary, I think people who are married or at least in stable relationships underestimate the difficulty of the dating game… Maybe because they haven’t dated in a while, hung out with single folk, or whatever the case may be…

    Personally I find people very interesting (really have no age limit on men I would date), but even some of the older/more mature men I might possibly consider dating are into playing mind games…. It can be exasperating at times… SO…
    I simply enjoy it as it comes and try not to take any of it too seriously…
    SK

  11. @ apasserby, Scorp Kitten: Well said, both of you! I was in a foul mood and this post was mostly ranting. Cooler now, I agree with what you say.

  12. Here’s another interesting perspective:
    http://xkcd.com/314/

  13. @ AnonEcon: Thanks for the link..it’s hilarious! 🙂

  14. You Go Girl! I loved that article. You made some very valid points. Who cares if you are 27 and still single? To hell with men! I already have a job, car, and a child to take care of. I’m about to purchase a home and I’m through waiting on Mr. Right before I really live life. I can do bad by myself and I am not trying to support a grown @ss man or put up with any garbage. A woman can do anything a man can do, only better! Bachellorette’s Unite!

  15. @ EbonyGoddess: Thank you for commenting! You validate my viewpoint by showing that I’m not one pesky voice saying things people don’t want to hear! And yeah, your story is an inspiration!

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