Three’s a mess…whose mess?

The newspapers have been spattering the gory story of Koushambi Layek across the city for the past few days. One of those newspapers ran a poll asking their readers,

Is it okay to have an affair with a married man?

Some of the responses amused me, some surprised me. Interestingly enough, few people talked about the morality of the thing….and thank goodness for that! There was the classic “He’s never going to leave his wife” refrain.

I suspect however, that if you ask a group of people randomly, in person they’ll actually tell you that this is a ‘wrong’ action. I keep hearing about how a woman should empathise with the plight of the other woman and not try to snatch her husband.

Hmm. I have to ask….what’s the man doing in all of this? Is he a non-thinking, absolved-of-all-responsibilities party in this mess? Who is the one in the committment and whose responsibility is it to live up to it? And finally, if the married person isn’t fulfiling his committment to his marriage, why should an outsider?

I realise this is a highly ruthless standpoint. I probably sound that I am, in effect, condoning cheating. I’m not. All I’m saying is that it isn’t cheating for the third person, the ‘other’ woman (or man as the case may be). The person who is cheating is the one who’s socially and legally committed to one person and having an affair with someone else.

That ought to be a simple enough distinction but apparantly its not. As for whether he’ll actually leave his wife or not, I don’t want to make a generalisation there. Love does happen in the strangest and sometimes most inappropriate of circumstances. That’s their cross to bear, too bad.

Of course if the guy’s been lying about being married, that’s a double-cross. Castrate the b@#$t@#d then, I say!

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on May 23, 2007, in Relationships, Seriously speaking. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. why would someone lie about being married (in the affirmative)? and even if your view is ruthless, it is still logical.

  2. One can’t lie about something as big as marriage.

    If he did, why did the other woman overlook such a big thing in life. Consistent phone calls, avoiding weekends, everything.

    It is just too big a thing to hide – marriage.

    If he did, and she did not observe, maybe she was so much in need of a relationship, someone close physically and emotionally.

    Don’t blame the man only for this, it is something which requires two of them, with their complete consent too.

  3. I apologize for reading only the blog – and not the link in the blog.

    You had a look at the affair part of it. And I commented on that.

    Now I comment on the shameless act after that. If he has killed her – he needs to be punished for that. I may be harsh, but it should be an eye for an eye.

  4. @ rossoneri: I meant lied and said that he wasn’t married when he actually was. Sorry for the confusion.

    @ Alazyguy: Point taken about the truth not staying hidden, unless aided by deliberate rose-tinted-glassed fantasy. What this post was about though, was assigning responsibility for the wrong of breaking a committment. Since the man is the one in the committment, I hold him solely responsible for its breakdown…certainly not any third party. Wouldn’t you agree with that?

    Furthur, this is a highly clinical (and hopefully logical) analysis. I used the article as a reference point since it set off a train of thoughts in my mind, only one of which I’ve penned down here. As for how I feel about the Koushambi Layek case itself, yes murder is a punishable crime, even if a crime of passion.

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