Monthly Archives: May 2007

Mother Goose

I saw this ‘Make your own teddy bear workshop’ and my first thought was “I wish I had someone to bring here…a little someone” and not “I wish they had those when I was a kid”.

See here’s where you go in (irresistible kid-magnet, isn’t it?).

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Then you get to pick the skin of the toy you’ll create.

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You can record your own voice or your favorite song and insert it into your toy.

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Walk on to the stuffing machine. I don’t think this is really necessary from what I remember of my toy-making lessons but it makes for some damn fun watching…ask me, I walked into the workshop when I spotted this thing!

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Oh and you can also give your freshly born toy a bath and get a birth certificate issued!

For a change, I looked and listened without my cynical marketer’s thinking cap. And I imagined a toothless grin somewhere.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I don’t audition for potential husbands anymore the way I used to long, long ago. Actually I don’t even audition prospective fathers because in my mind, no man is ever going to be a good enough parent for my little one.

The only people who can make me smile instantly, unthinkingly are under the age of 8.

And yet, when I was 21, fresh from the madness of adolescence and full of determination, I decided that I would never have a child. Because I didn’t want to an over-crowded planet full of unhappy people. Because I didn’t want to be made responsible for yet another human being’s emotions. And most of all, because I was scared. Of labour, of someone else’s adolescence. Of being torn physically and emotionally.

Then one night I had a dream and this really did happen. I was pregnant, bloated tummy almost full term. I remember my mother and grandmother’s faces around me (isn’t that odd, way back then, several other family members were part of my circle but I didn’t see the grandfather and uncle who died, the aunt who left, the cousins who parted after a rift..I saw the two people who are here). There was a husband somewhere but I couldn’t see his face even then.

Then I went into labour right at a staircase landing and passed out. And when I woke up, they were all standing around me. Then someone laid a baby in my lap. That’s when I woke up. My life changed forever by that nocturnal flight of imagination.

I’ve never been able to pass a child since then without turning back and smiling or just looking, looking, looking.

Does that make sense? No, biology never did, even in school.

If it is about biological urges, the compulsion to bind with and settle down seems to have passed me by. Even if I display classic mating behavior with my many boyfriends, I suspect those are more the following of patterns I’ve learnt and see around me. I’ve never met anyone with whom I felt that deep soul connection that they talk about. Absolutely no one I can even imagine as being important enough to call a soul mate. My life, the world and the universe is seen alone through my eyes, explored and experiences solo.

But when I see a child, something else, alien and yet unfamiliar rears its head inside me. And I want, want, want. Of all the things that life throws at you….I never thought I’d care about being a mother more than I could care about being a wife. But perhaps this too shall pass.

I finally define myself independent of what any man wants me to be, when I can see myself as much more than a daughter, sister or girlfriend and men have become accessorial rather than vital to my happiness. I have the life I wanted ten years back. And when I look further….what next? Something that will give it meaning, something more, something beyond.

A child shall lead the way….

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Superego-ess

This I so have to write about, if for nothing else, but as a rejoinder to women who think like this, that there are women like me too!!!!!

SNC opens the morning boasting about his upcoming alumni meet in Goa. PJ Rani cuts in claiming to be his date and then advising him:

You should take IdeaSmith as your date to the alumni meet. No one will turn up next year!

Me:

Yeah, that’s because they’ll all spend this year trying unsuccessfully to date me and next year they’ll be too ashamed to show their faces.

PJ Rani:

That’s what I call an unbeatable ego!

Me:

Cultivate an unbeatable ego girl, and you’ll never suffer a broken heart! Men have been doing it for years!

PJ Rani:

Better to not have an ego at all.

Me:

Well it isn’t so much ego as loving yourself too much to let anyone hurt you.

Well, Samantha Jones of SATC kicks off by intending to go out and have sex like a man. I’ve decided to hit life’s craziness like a man (with ego, ego, EEEEGO!!!!) And so there.

Numerically Challenged

And sometimes women can be a real pain in the you-know-where but who ever listens to me? Best Friend and I were discussing a classmate. Or to be exact Best Friend insisted on giving me an update on Classmate‘s doings while I snorted and sniggered. This due to the fact that the most interesting thing that has happened to Classmate since we left college is that she stopped wearing bermuda shorts and started looking for Husband (read: Punju/Sindhi type goodlooking, English speaking, fair, mummy-pleasing and MONEYED).

BF:

So she met this guy after all that talk. And he speaks to her for barely 5 minutes before buzzing off. Now she’s really depressed, poor thing!

Me:

She should be! 27 and still worrying about such stuff is a depressing state to be in.

BF:

She is not 27! She’s only 25!

Me:

No, she can’t be.

BF:

She is! Last month, I was trying to set her up with a guy who was 35 and she said that a 10-year age gap was too much.

Me:

Listen, we finished post-graduation 4 years ago. That course was 2 years long. Do the math.

BF:

But she is younger than us!

Me:

Hmph. This is 2007. If she were 25 now, she’d have to have graduated at 19 being a super-genius, which I most certainly know she isn’t.

BF:

Oh yeah…I wonder why she’s feeling so bad about it though.

Me:

I know…if I were her, I’d be depressed too!

Lies

Snippets of conversation from a party game I played with drunk friends this weekend:

What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told in a relationship?

Guy 1:

I don’t have a girlfriend

Guy 2:

I love you.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Girl 1:

I am not looking for committment.

Girl 2:

I don’t love you.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Draw your own conclusions.

A spin on the old story makes it good as new!

So I asked for a new fairytale….and I got one!

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There is a reason this review appears on XXFactor and it will be immediately evident when you watch the movie. Once again, I’ll not be a spoilsport and ruin the movie for you. Let me just say though, that its a good refresher course in fairy-tales, fantasy and mythical characters. You watch your childhood flash before your eyes before it dies out and a new one is born. 😉

Happy viewing! Ah, didn’t I say I liked monsters? Considering that I don’t even like princesses….ah, but I never saw them in this light before, did I? As a curious coincidence, I also saw ‘The Princess Diaries -2’ on TV today. I quote-eth:

Being a princess is about feeling like one. Walk like you think a princess should walk.

The upside of marriage

So I was talking to this friend of mine who is travelling. In between our usual banter, I noticed his unfortunate tendency to slip into allusions to sex. My innocent (!) request for chocolates was termed kinky! I concluded that he was sex-starved and hastened to advise him to,

Get back and get it SOON!

But no sooner had the words left my mouth did I realise that it was easier said than done….lady love after all wasn’t his travelling companion. So deeply dejected, I concluded that,

At least one time marriage is better than being single is when you get to travel AND have sex – any time you like, free of cost, without guides/travelogues/middle men and legally!

The Dark Side of the Man

So now that everyone in the whole, wide world and their sister has seen Spiderman 3 (alright not everyone, only my loser generation that will barely admit to the Saturday afternoon DD-tinted nostalgia this character provoked)….so now everyone who’s anyone interested has seen the movie, I can talk about it (See, I’m so not a spoilsport…why do people think I’m evil anyway? *sweet, brave smile*)

I wonder why I like Spiderman. No, actually I don’t. The second movie, was quite mildly put…pathetic. Doc Oc, a terribly Plain Jane Mary Jane in a movie minus the sizzling upside-down kiss of the first one…was a bad sequel. But then came that one scene…framed in a broken window, Peter Parker muses

Must I never have what my heart desires?

And oh, we were lost, lost, lost from thereon.

Yes, I like flawed men. It used to be bad boys but it has also been the brooders, the ‘deep thinkers’, the rebels, the strugglers and the stragglers. I don’t like perfect. I don’t like nice and simple. Give me a man with problems any day. The one with secret demons, unseen worries, deep-seated fears and dark nightmares.

Peter Parker continues to be a man haunted by shadows of the past and the unpredictable dangers of the future. I didn’t so much enjoy the triple evil action of Sandman, whatsisname best friend-enemy’s son and icky-sticky black goo-gunk. I didn’t so much as bat an eyelid at the nemesis/friend drama though I had to curb an impulse to burst out into

Yeh dosti…hum nahin todenge!

right in the middle of the scene. But yuzz I really liked all the soul-searching, the cringe-inducing antics of the Black Spiderman.

It couldn’t have been more perfect. This is a superb understanding of the flaws of human nature. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder after all and the men I love are wonderfully attractive to me on account of each one’s unique dents and scratches and flaws.

And finally….a flawed man will eternally remain flawed. So the diffident, burdened by an over-zealous conscience Petey of Spiderman 2 turns to the slick, glossy Poison Parker in Spiderman 3. Good job, that’s a man who will never be happy unless he’s messing things up. First he does too much, then he does too little. Back and forth he goes.

There’ll never be a dearth of women for him. We play mama, we play punching bag but we’re as much a part of the Flawed Man’s internal games as his flaws. After all….the woman who loves a flawed man is running away from her own flaws by trying to heal someone else’s. And hoping perhaps that no one notices the cracks in her veneer. Or maybe that someone does and ‘loves it right’ like she promises to do to the Flawed man.

Three's a mess…whose mess?

The newspapers have been spattering the gory story of Koushambi Layek across the city for the past few days. One of those newspapers ran a poll asking their readers,

Is it okay to have an affair with a married man?

Some of the responses amused me, some surprised me. Interestingly enough, few people talked about the morality of the thing….and thank goodness for that! There was the classic “He’s never going to leave his wife” refrain.

I suspect however, that if you ask a group of people randomly, in person they’ll actually tell you that this is a ‘wrong’ action. I keep hearing about how a woman should empathise with the plight of the other woman and not try to snatch her husband.

Hmm. I have to ask….what’s the man doing in all of this? Is he a non-thinking, absolved-of-all-responsibilities party in this mess? Who is the one in the committment and whose responsibility is it to live up to it? And finally, if the married person isn’t fulfiling his committment to his marriage, why should an outsider?

I realise this is a highly ruthless standpoint. I probably sound that I am, in effect, condoning cheating. I’m not. All I’m saying is that it isn’t cheating for the third person, the ‘other’ woman (or man as the case may be). The person who is cheating is the one who’s socially and legally committed to one person and having an affair with someone else.

That ought to be a simple enough distinction but apparantly its not. As for whether he’ll actually leave his wife or not, I don’t want to make a generalisation there. Love does happen in the strangest and sometimes most inappropriate of circumstances. That’s their cross to bear, too bad.

Of course if the guy’s been lying about being married, that’s a double-cross. Castrate the b@#$t@#d then, I say!

Three’s a mess…whose mess?

The newspapers have been spattering the gory story of Koushambi Layek across the city for the past few days. One of those newspapers ran a poll asking their readers,

Is it okay to have an affair with a married man?

Some of the responses amused me, some surprised me. Interestingly enough, few people talked about the morality of the thing….and thank goodness for that! There was the classic “He’s never going to leave his wife” refrain.

I suspect however, that if you ask a group of people randomly, in person they’ll actually tell you that this is a ‘wrong’ action. I keep hearing about how a woman should empathise with the plight of the other woman and not try to snatch her husband.

Hmm. I have to ask….what’s the man doing in all of this? Is he a non-thinking, absolved-of-all-responsibilities party in this mess? Who is the one in the committment and whose responsibility is it to live up to it? And finally, if the married person isn’t fulfiling his committment to his marriage, why should an outsider?

I realise this is a highly ruthless standpoint. I probably sound that I am, in effect, condoning cheating. I’m not. All I’m saying is that it isn’t cheating for the third person, the ‘other’ woman (or man as the case may be). The person who is cheating is the one who’s socially and legally committed to one person and having an affair with someone else.

That ought to be a simple enough distinction but apparantly its not. As for whether he’ll actually leave his wife or not, I don’t want to make a generalisation there. Love does happen in the strangest and sometimes most inappropriate of circumstances. That’s their cross to bear, too bad.

Of course if the guy’s been lying about being married, that’s a double-cross. Castrate the b@#$t@#d then, I say!

The premise of compromise

If there were ever a conflict between being yourself and making someone you loved happy, what would you choose?

The answer may seem obvious but it isn’t. For one thing, it is really quite difficult to stay cold and oblivious to the desires of the people we love. All of us do it – compromise on things that matter to us for the people who matter to us. After all, somewhere down the line, while you might stay true to yourself, is that life, life at all, without the people you love, in it?

Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva to nahin
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin, zindagi to nahin

And yet, having said that, do they care about you enough if they want you to change so much that you don’t recognise yourself anymore? Perhaps they need you to. And if that be the case, will you?

Would you destroy yourself for the sake of a loved one? Or would you take the colourless life of someone who stands alone, touched by no one and also touching no one? 

How far would you go for someone you loved? When it comes down to it, is a relationship a test of your love or a determinant of your own rigidity?

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