Daily Archives: March 12, 2007

Rebound girlfriend

My best friend once warned me that,

A man who has just broken up is the most dangerous of all.

Of course she was right. That’s why she’s the BEST FRIEND. Pity I didn’t listen to her…but we never do listen to good advice, do we?

Forgive me for being a wee bit (okay, a whole lot) of a male-basher in this post but I can’t help thinking of the countless hours, days, weeks spent sniffy-nosed, red-eyed, going to pieces over every sentimental song, every couple on the street and every memory, after a break-up. I remember all such moments in my life and those in my close friends lives. After all, like the SATC rerun I’ve just watched concludes

No matter how long you were together or how much you hurt…you’ll never get through it without your friends.

On the other hand, what do the men I see around me do when they break up?

  • Celebrate with the guys
  • Celebrate with a new girl
  • Propose marriage to the new girl
  • Bitch about the old girl to the buddies
  • Try to get the old girl into bed
  • Make old girl feel bad for dating other men (after three months as opposed to his new girlfriend, a week later)
  • Flirt with old girl’s friends

Fine then, we have different ways of dealing with our losses and this blog is assuming from hereon that men don’t feel as much and hence don’t hurt as much. Now gurls, the thing to remember though, is that your ex-boyfriend is not even a fraction as dangerous to you as he is to other women. Imagine how many other women he can make miserable now!

Sure, we’ve all heard of those who ‘just haven’t found the right woman as yet’. Umm….I’ve been sure plenty of times that I was the right woman. Wrong, lady. I was merely the rebound girlfriend (SATC calls it ‘transition girlfriend’). And that’s a precarious situation to be in. The rebound girlfriend gets to soothe his injured ego, piece together his broken heart and listen to reminisces (and bitching) about the ex-. She rarely if ever, gets to create new memories with him.

What to do then?

Should one be the nice, sympathetic, caring and giving self and risk watching one’s efforts get washed away like the bath water as he cleans his messy lovelife all over one’s heart? And then, to add insult to injury, wipes his feet on you as he walks out of the door to chase the girl who is going to be the new love of his life?

Or should you withhold, be practical, aloof, difficult to reach, wondering all the while if SOMEONE doesn’t talk, how’s the conversation (a.k.a. the relationship) ever going to start? That’s safe…but no, not really. In the first case, he probably doesn’t even remember you except as “Oh, her….we had this thing once which didn’t work out. But umm….she’s a lovely person, really.” In this second case you become the cold bitch who made him rubbed salt into the wounds that the first ex- gave him. Well, at least you won’t be forgotten.

Ms. Nasty versus Ms.Whats-her-name-Lovely-Person. Better to be a bitch than to be forgotten? Methinx, better to listen to the BEST FRIEND next time. Henceforth no dating a man, who hasn’t been single for at least a year.

Alcohol, arguments and men

Actually, having slept over my last post, I look at myself this morning with fresh perspective (and two hours of yoga). I realize that I’m essentially a logical, rational person. But I’m susceptible to certain rationale-altering vices. Namely, alcohol, arguments and men.

If I ever own a restaurant (which I highly doubt, I’m a terrible cook and hostess), I’ll probably call it ‘Alcohol and Arguments‘. Does that sound too much like the tagline of my favorite coffee shop? Well, mine will be stocked with plenty of books, newspapers and perhaps a terminal or two to access the blogsphere….all conducive to the second of my vices. Obviously there’d have to be both men and women coming in, else the idea wouldn’t work. It’s not too funny a thought, is it? The last man I voiced this to, found it extremely amusing.

To come back, it isn’t really all that odd, you know. Alcohol is a chemical that alters brain processes. Arguments stimulate the production of adrenalin, another chemical that can addle your brain. And men…ah men, men, men….at least the kind of men I’m usually drawn to and am always writing about….cause the production of several hormones (umm, adrenalin among others) that definitely have an effect on my generally smooth-functioning rational processes. All three in conjunction and we have a merry cocktail of mad chemicals. No wonder then, my relationships began with loads of fun (ah, bring on the wine!!!) and intellectual stimulation (oh well….arguments…) and end disastrously (umm, isn’t that always the case where men are concerned?). The combination is just too much for me to digest.

And hence I resolve to steer clear of my three vices, in the interest of upholding the dignity and intelligence quotient of my sisterhood. Alcohol is rather easy to abstain from….I’ve been on the wagon, reasonably so all this year (we’ll forget about the odd glass of wine or two). Arguments, not as easy, prone as I am to playing warrior-princess. But I’ve started my yoga again and am picking up my old threads of spirituality. Hence peace may reign as I quiet the cacaphony in my life. Men though……hmm, I just seem to have an affinity for trouble and men (troublesome men), don’t I?

At least I’ll try to avoid all three together. There ought to be a law. Alcohol has its statutories. Arguments are at least socially controlled. Men however, running loose all over the place, ought to come with a label, especially the intelligent ones…

Danger! The intelligence levels in this unit are above permissible levels of human female consumption and can be hazardous to mental well-being.

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