Before, during and after boyfriends

You can never have enough wisdom and advice where men are concerned. While they never seem to progress with time (the last century’s Knights can be found thumbing their PS2 this millenium), they come up with new ways to infuriate us….and break our hearts. So here’s more from the desk of the ‘too well-dated’ Dr.Love.

BEFORE

Making an impression: Do not worry too much about any one man’s opinion. Definitely do not go to great lengths to impress any guy. Dressing up and make-up is good, if you’re usually that way. But if you’re girl-next-door trying to turn into Marilyn Monroe, forget it. I’m sure even her lovers had to get acquainted with Ms.Norma Jean at some point of time. Unless of course you don’t care beyond a date or two…that’s about how long the warpaint will last. Besides you’ll feel like hell if you’ve spent a load of time and effort (not to mention money, money, money) getting dolled up for someone you don’t see again. And just as an aside to those who accuse me of cynicism, I believe in saving the best for the last. So, check out how long its gonna last and then start caring about what he thinks.

See, listen, register, conclude: You may have heard this before and you probably already know this. But watch how he behaves, not just with you but with everyone else…..his friends, his colleagues, beggars, waiters, doormen, pedestrians, drivers on the road. Observe his body language, how he drives, how he wears his clothes, how he handles his mobile phone, wallet, keys, whatever…..it is a fact that women innately notice such details more than men do. If you’re a woman, use that skill to your advantage and listen to what these things tell you. Everyone tries to make good impressions in social situations. The important thing is to figure out whether who he really is will impress you as much as who he wants you to believe he is.

DURING

Watch the words: Now I know I’m going to get hammered for this point but anyway I have to say it. There are way too many intelligent men out there. Some of them actually believe in doing the right thing, in being straightforward and are looking for something more than some fun. Unfortunately you have no way of distinguishing them from the smooth talkers (and there are way too many of them too). And in my opinion, even the most straight-forward man would rather lie or keep quiet than talk about unpleasant things (ever wonder how they go to designing…and diffusing bombs?) Maybe men are scared of getting hurt, maybe they aren’t used to sharing their feelings, maybe they can’t handle the changing gender equations since they’re losing out…woddeva. You have to look out for yourself because when it comes to it, even the most well-intentioned man won’t say anything more than a ‘SORRY’ when he breaks your heart. And you don’t heal on words.

Friends and the rest of life: Please don’t make the grave mistake of making your partner the center of your universe (and this from experience…I’m guilty of this charge). It is unhealthy for the relationship, its unhealthy for you. No one can handle such an awesome responsibility. And it is just not fair to everyone else in your life to be shut out just because you have someone special in your life. And finally, love has a way of dizzying you. Your friends, family, career, hobbies…all of these things give you perspective. Into your life, your relationship and your happiness. Don’t neglect them.

AFTER

Clean break: It takes a fair amount of time to ‘get over’ someone you’ve cared for. This varies from person to person. And different people react differently, some rebounding and some going into a shell. However it is, though, there is nothing to be gained from hanging on to ambiguity. It isn’t being harsh, its being disciplined. Relationships aren’t always neat just like people aren’t. But you have to take it on yourself to clean up messes that are made, physically or emotionally. A lot of relationships go through confusion and then end up very stable. Figure out where that point is for you and at some point, and at some point, cut it short and tie it off. Even umblical cords get cut. Learn to say “ENOUGH”.

And finally, the love of your life may have been Prince Charming, James Bond, Valentino and Robin Hood al in one but when it comes down to it, all he really is, is a man. And there are over 3 billion more of them. When it’s over, find another one if you’re masochistic enough to go through the experience again. But don’t let your life come to an end. No one- man or woman- is worth that much.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on March 3, 2007, in Battle of the sexes, Survival Guide, The Dating Game. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. A.E. does not stand for ‘Agony Ent’. Just a friendly post-it reminder!

  2. @ Brad: Thank you, A.E. I guess I just need some time off by myself. I postponed my trip so am flying tomorrow but will be back end of the week. Talk then?

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