10 things a man ought to know but doesn't…and counting

Men are seriously amusing. So brilliant in some areas and in some other areas, unbelievably….shall I say the word? I mean, I’ve been writing this blog for a long time now. It’s almost as popular as my ‘main blog’ (with none of the effort I put in there) and my readership is predominantly male. I’ve been argued with, slammed, confronted, wooed and even dated by some of the guys who’ve read this blog. And yet after all that, they assume I’m a man-hating feminist. It takes just one smart woman to observe that (and I really like this):

This isn’t a blog written by a man-hating woman. It is written by a woman who loves men….very much. And she has strong ideas and expresses them.

Thank you Melody….whoever said a woman was worth a thousand men must have been thinking of you.

Coming back to the real thought behind this post, I’ve had the most amusing conversation in recent times. I have this little quiz of my own that I run on some men. It is supposed to test how much men really know about women. No, it isn’t one of those high-fundoo psycho-babble things…these are questions based on everyday factual stuff and paraphernalia that surround a woman (and that any man who’s had a girlfriend, sister or spouse would have had a chance to learn about at least).

Needless to say I get mostly wrong answers. Some of them are plain howl-arious! This is an interview with a highly pedigreed, supposedly super-intelligent male friend who claims to have had an indecently high number of girlfriends. Read on to see how Mr.Smart did….

1. How is bra size measured and what does it mean?

34, 36 A B C D…something!

He had no clue what they meant though. To be fair, this is something a lot of women can’t answer, either. But you would think that with most men’s obsession with that part of the anatomy concerned with this garment…oh well.

2. Name three types of heels used in women’s footwear.

Stilts. And still-toes. Flats. Platforms. These are the thick, flat things.

After I’d gotten over laughing over the still-toes thing, I informed him that flats were a lack of heels and hence technically not a heel type at all. He pouted a bit but I appeased him by promising him a 1/3rd mark for the platforms answer.

Considering most men think that heels make a women’s legs look sexier, I really think they should take some time understanding the different heel-types. Besides being able to empathise with aching calves, itchy undersoles and the like, they’ll have a better defense against a heel that might land on their faces if they understand it well.

3. What do ‘apple’ and ‘pear’ mean with regard to a woman’s appearance?

Pears mean the bust. Apples are for apple-cheeks.

I died laughing. But I came back to tell him what the right answer was.

4. What is liposuction?

This is the one answer Mr.Smart got right. In fact he was even able to tell me about botox, its chemical properties and its effect on skin. Not more than what I would have expected considering his background in chemistry but well, let me pat him on the back for the first completely right answer.

5. What is Prozac?

Something like mosaic (pronounced ‘muzak’). A collection of pictures?

Am I correct in saying men are the prime reason Prozac is in existance? Of course I am. I’m always right.

6. What’s mascara used for?

It’s something you put all over your face (accompanied by face-rubbing action). No wait, that’s rouge (ain’t that quaint? My first-standard teacher used to say that). Mascara…is it eye-liner? (firm shake of the head from me). Umm….it’s that eye-polisher….no, eye-lid polisher (with huge waving gestures from eyes out into space)

What say ladies? Shall I give him this one?

7. What are garters?

Absolutely no clue. I shudder to think of the ideas that might have run through his head in relation to this one. Khee khee khee…if only he knew! Incidentally how many women know the right answer to this one?

8. What’s a halter-neck?

That stuff that came off Carol Gracias on the ramp and showed off her fantastic “….” to the world.

This one he got right. And he was man enough to admit that the only way he knew about it was because he’d read about Carol’s wardrobe malfunction.

9. Do you know what bangs are?

A sports-bra!

I was more amused by the fact that he knew of sports-bras even if in the totally wrong context. He had no idea of course and stayed dumb-founded as I prompted “I have them! Lots of people have seen them!”

That made him stare at me goggle-eyed so I hastened to clarify (as I will here for the sake of you perverts out there…). Bangs are the locks of hair that fall onto a woman’s forehead. Fringes, stray curls or even a few strands of hair coming loose from the hairstyle and hanging above the eye-brows…constitute bangs.

10. What are areola?

The blue sky over the arctic circle.

To be quite sure, I didn’t phrase the question correctly and when he asked for the spelling I mispelt it as well. Let’s take this one off until I learn to word it better. But I’m amazed he had an answer. Hmm…men usually have an answer, it just isn’t the right one.

I was right after all. By my count, Mr.Smart scored a 3-and-1/3rd. Hmph.

This list, by the way, is something I’ve been thinking up at the spur of the moment and adding to, with each quiz. I’ve finally reached 10 questions. Ladies, if you think up any more things that a man who’s been around women should know, drop me a note here. Men, well….what do you have to say for yourselves?

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on February 23, 2007, in Battle of the sexes, On a lighter note.., The Dating Game. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. 1. I didnt know about 34, 36 et al. I thought there were only A, B, and C.

    2. I should get 2/3 for this. I got stilettoes right

    3. Pear as common sense …

    4. Smart lady does not know that to remove wrinkles you have to contract skin, not add to it. Also, botox and liposuction are quite unrelated.

    5. Men just have to roll over and sleep. Hence prozac is not relevant.

    6. I thought it had to do with shaping eyelids and coloring them.

    7. Never seen anyone wear a garter. So you cant blame me for it. Dresses have become far too convenient these days.

    8. Not read. Saw.

    9. The other thought was who gonna bang bang when lulu’s gone away

    10. Mistook it for the outermost region of the sun’s atmosphere. Wrong spelling, hence the question is nullified.

    Overall, woman, get relavant. We know about vegetables, and furniture, and manicures and massages. We do not know the not so relevant stuff. So hang us.

  2. @ Mr. Smart:

    1. Certainly not! I heard your answers right.
    2. Stilts are not the same as stilettoes.
    3. Do men lose their ability to read and hear when they’re umm….attracted?
    4. and 5. Awshuddup…

    Know about all the relevant stuff? Such as how to drive without getting lost, asking for directions when so, how to listen, how to not needlessly compete….do you want me to go on?

    @ Gauravonomics: I don’t believe that. In any case, wannabe chick-bloggers don’t count. 😉

  3. @ IdeaSmith: “Melody…whoever said a woman was worth a thousand men must have been thinking of you.” – merci beaucoup.

    And not complimenting you in return “like that only”, but just maintaining what I’ve already told you – yours is the blog I most enjoy reading.

    BUT – after this post I’m a little scared about whether I qualify as a woman or not, don’t know how many of those I got right either…

    …areollwhat???

  4. 🙂 I looked up wiki and saw some scary pics… thx for the education Ms. Smithy!!

  5. My favourite is the apple cheeks one and the eye polisher one. I know of a certain gentleman of both our acquaintance who would score a perfect -10 :D.

  6. Could you explain ‘why’ a man ‘ought’ to know the aforementioned 10 things! Please.

  7. @Idea,

    Smartness has a new definition.

    @G

    Bravo. Bravo.

    @Mel

    It sorta adds to your charm I guess, I score a perfect 0 on charm.

    @Brad

    Sau baat ki ek baat.

  8. did quiz on the fiance…10 on 10!!!
    quick send me something else!!!

  9. Hola u hv been asking the wrong man- or maybe i work with smart ppl- i quickly did a rapid fire randomly with 5 guys @ microsoft- and guess wat- most of them know all about bra sizes and how the different brands makes the difference in sizes-they also gave me tips on where to buy my lingerie from!!!
    they know abt liposuction, about shoes, garters, halters, apples, pears-everything- they gave me additional fundae about hair styling, pumps, panty hoses, panty liners-
    Holy Cow!!! and these r men who roam about reading Einstein’s books in free time!!!!!
    Wonders will never cease!!!!

  10. @ Melody: LOL….you live, you learn every single day. Would you believe a guy taught me this one?

    @ DC: Heehee…I would be betting he did. 😀

    @ Brad: For the same reason a woman is expected to be mommie/buddy/trophy/home-maker/sex-goddess/shopper-cook-housekeeper all in one. Hmph….compared to the Ph.D. levels of that, are you even managing the A,B,Cs of women?

    @ Peeyush: Does it? Then how come men know as little about women as they did a century ago?

    @ ratz: LOL…updates soon!

    @ Moushumi: LOL….do you think its an Indian male thing then?

  11. I am guessin’ that that question was just rhetorical; my answer is probably not even important! 😦

  12. @ Brad: My A.E. is learning well. 😉

  13. I missed the heels, halter-neck, and areola. Got the rest, but the questions seem dumb.

  14. @ steve: You can just imagine the IQ of those who didn’t get the answers then!

  15. LOL …I got about 8/10 … but then to be fair. i gotta say, when most kids were getting introduced to porn, i had access to my aunt’s gynaecology and obstetrics books… damn.. did they give me night mares….

    Did have to look up garters and halter-neck?? though..

    @Moushumi: Well they must be nerds/geeks… and those types don’t stop with sharing.. go on a research hunt..

  16. First : I learned so many things. :mrgreen:
    Second : I didn’t knew, any of those! (liposuction – being an exemption):D
    chris : ….okay! this one is a brutal torture! 😛

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