The hat-trick of dating
I watched ‘Hitch’ last night. Only for the 5th time. I love this movie. It is just witty enough to keep the ‘Romantic Comedy’ classification from becoming either too loud or too sappy. And of course Will Smith helps. I always had a thing for men with smart mouths.
In my mind the mark of a good book is that it gives you something new to think about each time you go back to it. I think I’ll use that yardstick for movies as well and ‘Hitch’ meets my standards.
Last night I was thinking of the dating process. The Date Doctor says that 3 dates is all he needs to get the girl to fall in love with the guy. Ah well, whatever. I’ve met enough of the sweepers (“Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet. It just needs the right broom.”) and I’ve cribbed about them before.
What I was really thinking is that do I really want to go beyond those three dates? I don’t want to sound commitment-phobic. Damn, I’ve come up against that thought in 3 of my past posts recently. But it really isn’t that, is it?
I like first dates. I always get a rush meeting a new person. I’m terribly nervous, especially if there’s a long spell between knowing of the person and actually meeting him for the first time. Then I meet him and get over it. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had very few really bad first dates.
First dates are an excited volley of words for me (and in good cases, from the other person too). Neither one knows the other yet, well enough to tailor what they’re saying to suit the other person. So both people display a bouquet well-chosen from the repertoire of their life. A little sentiment, a little ambition, a little charm, some values, some mischief, some flirting. I love watching myself on first dates. I thoroughly enjoy watching the other person on a first date. I really, really love watching the dynamics between the two people on the first date (even though, flawed my observation is, since I’m one of the two parties on the date).
Second dates are nice in a different way. It’s the entire gamut of
What do you say after you say hello?
which is essentially what the first date was about….learning to say hello in a way that the other person says hello back to you in the same token. Now that the hellos have been said, yes we both know we speak the same language….lets see if we can do something with it? Let’s talk. So let’s examine what you stopped short of saying last time, what I almost blurted out then. And in the process let’s watch each other for what we don’t say and learn to interpret the other’s silences and words.
Third dates in my mind already start losing the tingliness of the first two and get to spicier, meatier aspects. Of life, of the two people concerned, of the ‘we’ll probably see each other again’ thing.
I don’t have anything against steady dating, commitment or relationships. I really don’t. But I really miss the freshness of the first few dates. Hitch says
Don’t measure life by its moments but by the moments that take your breath away.
I’ve barely lived enough then. Take my breath away again and again. Only the same person never does it more than three times in a row. A hat-trick spells the end of the sweep-off-feet experience. I guess by then I’m already sitting on my butt on the ground, wondering what hit me. Well, I haven’t learnt to be nimbler on my feet but I’ve actually started missing the sweep.