The Ex-policy

Does anyone know what the best ‘ex’ policy is? I admire…no, I am deeply envious of those enlightened souls who are ‘great friends’ with their exes. They’ve obviously got it all figured out just great and I haven’t reached my Bodhi tree as yet. I am struggling, as yet in vain, to define just how to deal with that increasing species called ex-boyfriends. (Here and here are some previous attempts)

My trouble these days seems to be too-fast exes rather than just too-many! Well…that too but mostly I’m alarmed now by the rising conversion rate of boyfriend/consistent date to ex. I was born finicky but I seem to have just turned fussy now. Hence, having concluded that men in general, have only one head that can actually be put to any use, my super-high standards of dating are crumbling. But after awhile, I can’t pretend my interest remains nor that my patience stays constant.

Which brings us to the issue of the ever so sensitive, ex-policy. Now a guy I recently dated said that he was great friends with all his exes. I retorted, “well, you don’t know me as yet.”…ah, I was being peevish but I don’t like being clubbed into one junta-group like that. Then I said, “I have a different equation with each person I’ve dated and that’s because I was a different person with of them.”

Which is all very fine, but each one takes up even more effort than the relationship/dating schedules did. For starters we have the relationship issues, differences and incompatibility in the starring roles of BIG HURDLES to being friends. Spice that liberally with any fights, verbal arrows that would have been thrown and you have a masaledaar creation that’s not going down with any amount of antacid. Okay, fine, some people have amicable break-ups. Everyone isn’t a melodrama queen like me, perhaps (oh, but how??). Then we get to how to face someone who’s seen a side of you that the rest of the world doesn’t?

I think my biggest shame in meeting the ex-love of my life was the memory of an extremely sappy (and scorching) love letter I had written to him on his birthday….which of course he refused to return or destroy….gave me a good enough reason to let me go of him at least and there you are. (But oh how mortifying!!! I hope I never see him again….)

Then there are the more obvious and twenty times more mortifying incidents. I had a day that started off just fine till I bumped into someone I’d ‘politely declined’ after a few weeks. Which is fine, since we hadn’t discussed it too much since then. And then he remarked that I must have had a rocking weekend. I wondered what he was on about till I realized in the rush to get out of the house, I hadn’t had a proper stab at my make-up as yet. If he’d been a part of the Master card ad, it probably would have read

Weekend alone spent on DVDs: 700

Getting there early: 1000

New shoes after losing old ones trudging through mud on a rainy day: 3000

Spotting the hickey before she does: PRICELESS

I so much wish I could have wiped that smirk off his face. Well….then again…

Knowing who was really responsible and it certainly wasn’t YOU!!!”: ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS

Smirk smirk….I think I’ll stick to being the catty ex.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on September 22, 2006, in Battle of the sexes, On a lighter note.., Survival Guide, The Dating Game and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. You spent 3000 bucks on shoes :O ???

  2. No!!!!!!! Read again….he did all those things!

  3. “…and it certainly wasn’t YOU!!!” I thought the ‘subject’ was the girl sayin’ this, so I assumed that the rest of the above also had the same subject- the girl; hence the usage of ‘she’ in the hickey sentence confused me as to why was she referring to herself in the 3rd person! Oh well. Chuck it!

  4. My ex-policy, as you know, is to be “almost best friends” with all of them. Is there another way?

  5. The ex – files should never be opened, i think it was Reshma who once said that to me. However, once in a while its good to look at them, sigh over the omg-how-could-i-have-such-bad-taste and do the what was i thinking routine.
    Sometimes its good to tell yourself, i’ve come a long way baby.
    I am meeting an old old crush soon. And my instant reaction was oohhh i have to be prepared so i can knock him off his feet so he realises what he’s been missing.
    yes, i agree with you, being a catty ex is a high sometimes. Even if its a tad petty.

  6. @ Gaurav: 🙂 I believe you know my thoughts on these already.

    @ Dreamcatcher: She probably has a point but she doesn’t always follow it. Well, neither do I. As for pettiness, I believe in an eye for an eye

  7. @ Gaurav: 🙂 I believe you know my thoughts on these already.

    @ Dreamcatcher: She probably has a point but she doesn’t always follow it. Well, neither do I. As for pettiness, I believe in an eye for an eye….and some people don’t understand till you speak to them in their own tongue.

  8. I was wondering whether all this happens in the real world or just exists in a fancy world???!!!….i mean the ex’s ex-es……How can one forget a relation or their love for a person so easily and jump onto another relation with someone else??!!!
    I did like a girl very much, but she never felt the same thing towards me………days have passed by, but I am just single and feel happy for her, for she is all set to settle down in life. Ofcourse things can change but i guess no one can take her place in my life!…………
    This web of ex ex-es does surprise!!!
    @xxfactor
    I am not pitching anything against you, I have always been your great fan.
    Its just an observation from my perspective.

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