The Older Woman

A lot of men admit to having been attracted to an older woman at some point of time in their lives. Whether it was the adolescent yearnings towards the teacher/neighbor’s wife/friend’s mother or the preference in the later years for mature women (whether it is actualized or not), there definitely is something interesting here. Something very different from the conventional model of younger female-older male pairing. People have been experimenting with different sorts of relationships for years but recently I’m noticing a noticeable shift towards flipping the age equation.

Two of my friends are happily married to their longtime-and-older girlfriends. Both these men are extremely intelligent, confident to the point of being cocky (like a lot of people who are intelligent and know it). Both of them have an ever so-slightly condescending attitude towards women their age and younger. But both of them worship the ground their lady loves walk on. This fact is also true of several other men I know (similarly intelligent and confident) who have older girlfriends or some sort of romantic/sexual attachment to an older woman.

In this increasingly confusing world, all of us are looking for some kind of direction and I guess ‘older and wiser’ sounds just as appealing to a man as it has to a woman all these years. In some weird holistic way of balancing, it seems as though a person who normally does not respect most other people will invest all his respect (to the point of making it awe and devotion) in the one person he/she thinks deserves it.

Does anyone ever wonder what the woman feels about it?

For a long time I was conventional (for lack of a better word) to accept this state. But I’ve been re-thinking. Maybe it is because I’m older…old enough now to be considered ‘the older woman’ for some. Recently I’ve been noticing quite a few guys ‘checking me out’. Nothing new there I suppose….men routinely check out women. But these guys I’m talking about have been college students, youngsters, my juniors, younger siblings of friends. It was weird, you know why? So far, the attention from the opposite sex has come from men my age or older. Older men were more polished and suave and I was too young to sense the hidden moves. Men my age were also discovering the opposite sex at the same time and pace as I was and as I got wiser to their moves, they got subtler too. Now there is this entirely different kind of male that stops mid-step and gapes open-mouthed. I catch him sneaking glances every time I look his way and bless my stars…he blushes when I catch him at it.

I was at a restaurant the other day when this very young kid sat down at the next table with his parents. He was probably still in school but adolescent enough to very obviously cringe at the idea of being seen with his parents. I glanced at him to find him staring straight at me. The minute he caught my eye, he abruptly turned his head upward, then to his right, away from me and then straight down at his shoes. So obvious, it was funny. A few minutes later, I look for the waiter and our young lad does a repeat performance. And every single time I looked in his direction. So much angst and painful embarassment and guilty awe was exuding from him, I could feel it. I wanted to pat him on the head and tell him not to worry so much…that it wasn’t such a big deal. But I have a feeling he might have fainted if I spoke to him. So I ignored him for the rest of the evening. The only trouble with this is, if the guy is someone you see frequently (like a neighbor) chances are your indifference will make you all the more attractive to him…tch tch, what havoc hormones will play!

I know for a fact that one of my good friends in college had a huge crush on me that carried on for several years. I liked him, he was smart, witty and a great guy. And he was also younger than me. It doesn’t seem like a great deal today but then again the gap between 26 and 23 seems a lot less than the gap between 18 and 15. At that time I didn’t know how to handle it too well and I ended up being cutting and flippant each time he tried to talk about it. He bore it well, I must say and we still are very good friends. But then, he was a whole world more patient with my aloofness than he was with the enamoured attention of girls his age. And he really listened to what I had to say, placed a great deal of importance on my opinion. As opposed to a lot of men older than him who treat me like a Barbie doll that (unfortunately) talks too.

There definitely is something to being the older woman. If it gets me the respect that men my age and older refuse to grant, I’m all for it.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on December 23, 2005, in Relationships, Seriously speaking, Times, they are a-changing and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. beautiful post…
    a suggest.came across a website ifsha.org as well as linked blog, isitaboutsexblog.com – an interactive space on indian sexuality…maybe you may find it interesting…

  2. teacher – alright
    neighbor’s wife – alright
    friend’s mother – too far fetched i guess

    but we do like mature women… has got somethin to do with whisky/scotch/wine… the more mature the better… and age happens to be one of the primary yardsticks for maturity 🙂

    *exits remembering my cutie (actually hottie) teacher at school*

  3. My god – you do think a lot, don’t you? 🙂

    I read pretty much all your displayed posts in one go, and your writing, I must say, makes for very compulsive reading – I just couldn’t help but read away. You definitely should have a shot at professional writing.

    Now, for the archives.

  4. Sundar: Thank you. Will check it out.

    Iyer: Lol you crazy man!

    Senthil: Thanks a lot. That makes me feel reeeeeely good about the new year! 😀

  5. Nice theme there and well written.

  6. Oh Baloney! Get used to the attention from all ages, you’re obviously worth it ;).

  7. whenever it comes to may december relationships are always with this huge difference where its a 18 year old guy liking a 30 year old women, but just look at possibilities of a relationship between a 24 year old guy and 26 year old girl, or 26-30 something like this, where they are close enough to be acceptable but still not a socially viable relationship. The idea of such a relationship excites me because, i think the person would be in position to understand a lot more of things than a younger woman. I would have told a lot more, unfortunately we have spoken all about it on the messenger 🙂

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