The filmi story of my life

‘Kuch kuch hota hai’ was on TV yesterday. One of the early movies that made Karan Johar into a brand name.

I was in college when I saw this movie. Of course I couldn’t say I liked it…it wasn’t cool to admit to liking this sort of popcorn-n-plastic fare! But the truth was that I watched every single rerun of it that ever appeared on the idiot box thereafter. I could really see myself in the story. Not in the incomparably flawless Tina but the rough-n-tumble tomboyish Anjali Sharma.

I lived in jeans and sneakers and short hair. I hung out with the guys and bickered with them for good measure. And yes, my best friend was the alpha male, the cool dude with a roving eye. Like in the movie, life was a crazy, colourful fun ride till abruptly realization dawned about things like love that I’d only watched others jump in and out of.

I didn’t like the movie because of its underlying message that a woman was only loveable when she was all dolled up and feminine. I didn’t want to believe it then…it would have been too scary. But now I think it is true. It happened just the same way.

Unlike the movie, ‘he’ didn’t even notice when I left, let alone try to stop me. He did come back though and much faster. It didn’t take time. It didn’t even take effort. All it took was a different hairstyle and a new attitude, for him to melt into a puddle of open-mouthed admiration.

Some things aren’t simple. Its never easy to forget your first love and its even harder to forget your first heartbreak. He’s around now and he treats me very differently from way back then. I don’t feel that way about him anymore. But I can’t forget that he never felt that way about me. And most of all I can’t forgive the fact that he let go so easily…of me, of all the camaradie and security and comfort that a close friendship brings. When you don’t matter even to your best friend, what is the worth of friendship and love?

I don’t really miss him in the sense of waking up with that gnawing emptiness. There have been others…friends, best friends, co-conspirators, boyfriends, companions. There have been others…who were..just others. There just hasn’t been another him ever.

Life isn’t a Karan Johan movie. Sometimes I almost wish it were, though.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on September 20, 2005, in Hormone hangover and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. my life story is more of raj kapoor in mera naam joker… she laughed at me when i told her what i felt about her…

    but then i moved ahead (like i had any other option)… and i am much happier with the one that i am with right now… and i intend to stay that way 🙂

    life i guess, is like an organization… it moves on regardless of whether the employees stay or they hop… and it has to be that way 🙂

  2. No you don’t girl… you don wish it were a Karan Johar movie…

    Coz in those movies… the guy always gets what he wants..
    – he gets the crazy tomboyish cute one to hang around with
    – he gets the pretty dolled up one to marry..
    – and when she dies.. he has the tomboyish one magically-altered-to-suit-his-specification to “look after” him and his kid !!

    oh PLEASE don let life immitate a KJ movie !!

    I was slightly younger when I saw the movie.. and I still watch re-runs too.. 🙂 but the ENDING still bugs the CRAP outa me.. !!

    -anon1

  3. Ah… so thats why love for you is a four lettered word eh?

    Even I tried a new hairstyle, but it didnt work. I went bald (no fault of mine tho). That drove everyone away 😦

    And stop referring to people as “He”. I get confused with all the “He’s” you refer to on ya blogs. U’ll be in trouble if my brain starts linking the “He’s” up! 😀

  4. No, that is not why love is a four-letter word…at least that’s not the ONLY reason.

    Hairstyles work for women, Apoorva!!! You oughta go around with that life-jacket and face turned sideways (Remember ‘Walk like an Egyptian’??)

    How very male…at least half the world’s population can answer to “He” but you’d want to link all of them up to one person.

  5. Hmm.. I wonder what movie my life would remind me off..
    Nothing I guess.. But there was this Alfred Hitchcock movie from 1960.. ahh, yes.. thats the one, ‘Psycho’. 🙂

  6. If it were a KJ movie, I would wear those yellow T-shirts; something that I would never do in real-life!:D

  7. @ Brad: LOL….no, I think you’d be the tomboy’s ‘other best friend’. Oops, no you have to be gay to do that.

  8. Oh well… pardon me if this comes across harsh, but I think he never was a best friend.. I mean, he was yours, but you weren’t his. Or he is a bad friend! You cant just not notice a friend leaving! Thats all!
    .-= Ms Taggart´s last blog ..Aaah.. I wish! =-.

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