Solitaire

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I finished work a little earlier than usual. On an impulse I went window-shopping instead of heading home. I bought some music and browsed other stuff I’d never spend money on. I played ‘Boulevard of Broken dreams’ 3 times continuously at the listening booth. I chatted idly with the store staff for a few minutes and then drifted out.

After awhile I wandered into a coffee-shop and sat down. I enjoyed a long, solitary cup of mint tea while listening to Sting, Pink Floyd, ghazals and some 80s pop all in a mixed order. I stared around at nothing much and that’s when it struck me that this was the state of contentment that I so seldom achieve. It is moments like this that make it worthwhile being single.

There was a real light-heartedness in me that came from not having to explain myself, not having to adjust to someone else, not having to sell the idea of me as I really am. The relaxation that I was feeling came from the rare situation of being silent not out of submission or fear but simply because silence was beautiful.

I realise that I’m biased towards relationships, comittment, love and men by a rather bad and not necessarily typical relationship from the past. Still, we learn from the pasts that we have lived and this is mine. I find that I never achieve the kind of still clarity with other people, that I do when I’m alone. I find other people don’t always stimulate my thought processes…rather they muddle them. Men are like the slow poison, addictive at first but eventually I have to sort out the hangover myself.

I enjoy being alone. I do like conversations with other people…….but those are like movies for me, pay the price of admission and don’t make it too much of a habit. A weekend of being all alone at home, no TV, only some music and a good book and the housework….that really is an ideal vacation for me.

I am probably a loner. And I am actually blissful that way.

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About IdeaSmith

IdeaSmith is the digital doppelganger of Ramya Pandyan (intrepid train-traveller and frequent spouter of post-midnight rhymes and rants). As IdeaSmith she battles obscurity and slays boredom with her stories about men, books, digitalia and Mumbai. She performs live and also blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, +G’s, Youtubes and Goodreads all as IdeaSmith. Ramya is a blogger, digital storyteller and spoken word performer. She also runs a forum for aspiring writers called Alphabet Sambar. Tweet-bomb her at @ideasmithy.

Posted on July 29, 2005, in Being Woman, Flying solo and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Lady, u have this brilliant knack of putting thoughts into simple yet clear words. Something which makes us say, “Been there, done that but never looked at it from that aspect.”

    Send me that autograph when u make ya millions from this talent!

  2. u sound like the female version Howard Roark, a loner who is happy being so, stay that way stay happy

  3. AJ: No such luck for me, I’m afraid….I’ll have to stick to depressing my readers with morose posts for now! Confession – I’d lurrrrve to be able to write the kind of witty, short-chuckle-inducing posts that you and some of your friends do!

    Rohan: I do hope so….though I’m not anything like Rand’s hero.

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