XXFactored 1-7Apr13: Condoms Online & How A Snake Destroyed A Couple’s Eden

This April, I’m trying out XXFactored as a weekly instead of a monthly feature. Drop me your comments or Tweet to @ideasmithy, letting me know what you think. Also, if you see something you think should be XXFactored, let me know and I’ll post it with due credit to you. You can also post a link to XXFactor’s Facebook Page.

Here’s what I saw this week:

• BuyMeCondom is an Indian eCommerce portal dedicated to condoms and contraceptive sales only. Connected India is certainly coming of age. And no, this is not an April Fool joke. (via BuyMeCondom)

• Things like this make me question the sanity of whoever invented marriage in the first place.: ‘Man seeks to divorce wife for refusing to make love to a snake‘ (via AfricanSeer)

• This is an anonymous reply to a post that got featured as a follow-up post. It was written by someone I know and echoes the unacknowledged sentiments of a lot of other wonderful people in my life. Here’s to honoring the spirit of those that charge bravely where angels fear to tread – new ideas.: ‘Here’s Why You Should Date An Entrepreneur‘ (via YourStory)

• When the difference between boys bikes and girls bikes is purely accessorial, why do we propagate gender segregation?: ‘Insisting on Boys & Girls Bikes‘ (via The Society Pages)

• If you thought high heels were the ultimate statement of female sexuality, maybe they weren’t. : ‘From Manly to Sexy: The History of the High Heel‘ (via The Society Pages)

XXFactored Mar2013: We want gender-neutrality but we also want sex!

I initiated a social media clean-up last year that continued over several weeks. Pages were unliked, dead blogs were unsubscribed from, uninteresting and spammy twitter accounts were unfollowed, Boards rather than people were looked at to follow on Pinterest. The result is that my timelines move slower and I’m getting a better chance to look at things that are really interesting and relevant. Also, it has considerably reduced my social media fatigue (yes, there is such a thing!) so I’m more inclined to look at newer content.

The Idea-smithy’s Facebook Page looks at pretty much everything that isn’t here so pop culture, fiction, poetry, general slice-of-life moments all fall under that purview. There is so much coming in there that I’m considering making Ideamarked (The Idea-smithy version of XXFactored posts) a weekly rather than monthly feature.

There have been posts coming up that I am not quite sure whether to put on XXFactor or The Idea-smithy. They often have to do with womanhood, sexulaity and relationships but are also about pop culture, fiction or other such things. In a few cases, I’ve posted to both places. But I’m starting to question whether it makes sense to keep these two blogs separate. I’m the same person writing for both and I’m not even anonymous anymore. On the other hand, each one has taken on a certain voice of its own. Also, these are two communities with some overlap but possibly differences, too. So I ask my community here at XX Factor: Should I merge the two or should they stay separate?

And while you’re thinking, here’s the March picks on XX Factor:

• The ‘Harem’ series of pictures depicts Islamic calligraphy tattoos and clothes that blend in with the background to represent Arabic women trapped between their culture and their depictions in Western Art.:
  ‘Harem: Captivating Images of Islamic Women‘(by Paul Caridad on The Visual News)
• ‘5 Tips for handling Office Romance‘:
  I used to believe in ‘not dipping your nib in the office ink’ but with increasing work hours & pressues, I think it’s time to embrace a new social paradigm. And here are some sensible tips. (via YourTango)
• Lying as an essential relationship survival mechanism? I find it personally appalling but then, my all-honesty policy hasn’t worked for my relationships. What do you think?:
  ‘Deceptive Affection may actually keep relationships going‘ (via PsychCentral)
• ‘Why Gay Men & Straight Women have strong bonds‘:
  That’s what I thought too but it’s nice to have it confirmed in expertspeak. Yay to my gay BFFs! (via YourTango)
• High heels signify a class distinction, did you know? But of course, so much of fashion & image-consciousness is about creating a superior ‘us’ over an inferior ‘them’:
  ‘High Heels and Distinction among Women‘ (via The Society Pages)
• A hilarious infographic on modern day sex myths & reality:
  ‘4 Things Nobody Admits about Modern Human Sexuality‘ (via Cracked)
• ‘Things I’ve Learned From Writing Under a Gender-Neutral Name‘:
  As someone who built a presence on a gender-neutral name, this article called to me immediately. It brings out some very painful truths about gender stereotyping. I especially loved the last paragraph. Think. (via Thought Catalog)
• This article made me want to cry and sigh alternately. Some valid points, some “Are you EFFING kidding me??!” but mostly so much of Whats-the-damn-point. Good read.:
  ‘5 Ways Modern Men are trained to hate women‘ (via Cracked)
• ‘Remote-Control your Man/Woman‘:
  Terribly sexist. Also, quite funny. At least they have one for each of the genders. (via Morph8)
• An ‘strong intelligent’ woman’s tentative steps into make-up and what it means:
  ‘Brave New World of Make-up‘ (via Neha Vishwanathan)
• ‘She spreads her own wings‘: Fly! (via Coco J Ginger)
• The iconic ‘Can women fake orgasms?’ restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally. 1.27 is the famous turning point. Enjoy! (via Youtube)

XXFactored Feb2013: Complicated Relationships, Dating Tests & Stereotypes

This wasn’t a perfect Valentine’s month. But then, last February was and look how that turned out. Still, I got through it (this one and last year). The journey back to life is neither neat nor straight. At least it wasn’t boring. Here’s what kept me company along the way:

• A truly howl-a-rious thought in tweet via Chandani Agarwal.
• A year ago, I struggled with the burden of the label ‘fiance’. Now I find other people have felt the same burden of the even heavier label of ‘wife’. An interesting perspective gets added by the gay community reclaiming some of these words.: ‘Labels of Married Life, in a New Light‘ (via NYTimes)
• Books and dating – my two favorite topics!: ‘What your Bookshelf says about you to a Date ‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• This sounds like a relationship-in-denial to me, but what the hell? ‘Flirtationship’ is a great word!: ‘20 Signs You’re in a Flirtationship‘ (via Thought Catalog)
• I’d love to know who agrees with this: ‘What your favorite sex position REALLY says about you‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• In my teens, I’ve been pressurized to wear a dupatta ‘properly’ (read: across both shoulders with the bulk of the fabric hanging down covering torso) in Chennai. In the same conversations, I was also told the value of ‘addakam’ (loosely translated as restraint in Tamil) to a woman’s character. I see the connection in this piece, do you?: ‘Tied up in knots: The many meanings of the dupatta ‘ (via The Sunday Guardian)
• Stereotypes. Entertainment. There’s a connection, isn’t there? This is a comprehensive breakdown of every female stereotype and pop culture examples of each.: ‘The Female Character Flowchart‘ (via Overthinking It)
• A common theme in popular fashion poses is to portray the woman as ‘weak, slightly insane and even deranged’. Yolanda Dominguez’s project ‘Poses’ captures real women in daily situations in these poses to highlight this fact.: ‘What Model Poses would look like in Real Life‘ (via Messy Nessy Chic)
• If it’s written by a woman and talks about love & relationships, it’s ChickLit. And what if it’s written by a man?: ‘Women in Love, Only if You’re DH Lawrence‘ (via Annie Zaidi).
  

  “Women writers could go out and wrench such columns for themselves by building a body of work in non-fiction that makes them difficult to ignore. That would mean hardcore research. That would mean a lot of time and energy taken away from creating fiction. This is not impossible to do. But given that their male counterparts get away with merely having opinions, it is also not fair.”

XXFactored Jan2013: Dating, Sexuality & Relationships – The Same New

I’ve really spent 2012 so self-absorbed, haven’t I? In my defense, I got into the utlra hot-and-heavy of commitment, did the deep soul-searching that everyone does after getting engaged (don’t they?), hit rock bottom with a break-up, wrote plenty of mournful stuff, bored myself and got back with the ‘Really now, are you over *all* the drama finally?’ and here I am. So yes, I haven’t really spent much of the year looking at other people and their relationships and what they think of them. But a new year is here with new people, new problems and adventures of the heart. And I’m promising to bring back the social butterfly that I and this blog have always been. Let’s start with a round-up of interesting reads:

• “When a woman is the sum total of her headscarf and hymen – that is, what’s on her head and what is between her legs – then nakedness and sex become weapons of political resistance.” A thought-provoking article on the objectification of women’s bodies. ‘Nudity, Niqab and the Illusion of Free Choice‘ (via The Express Tribune Blogs)
• I’m most intrigued by no.4. We never seem to think of condescension & sarcasm as would-be abuser traits. These seem to be cool & attractive behaviour, drawing us in like flies to honey. ‘Are You Dating An Abuser?‘ (via Psychology Today)
• ‘The Subtext Of An Entire Relationship In 4 Minutes‘ (via TheFrisky)
• Some surprises here on what guys do on Facebook before dating the girl: ‘10 Ways Guys Use Facebook For Their Dating Lifes‘.  (via HowAboutWe)
• A great answer to ‘What Do Guys Wish Girls Knew?’ (via Quora)
• When do you google your date? The obvious answer was ‘before the first date’. But I’ve been meeting so many familiar strangers on account of social media that I find I only google after a couple of dates now. ‘Poll: When Do You Google A Date?‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• Ever notice how Satan’s head bears an uncanny resemblance to the female reproductive system? (via 10 Daily Things)
• Cosmopolitan’s hilarious and terribly wrong sex advice (via Uptown Magazine)
• What the dating guide has to say about Facebook: ‘When Is It Okay To Friend Someone You’re Casually Dating?‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• A study says bisexual women are likelier to be abused/raped. This article points out a few holes in that theory. (via Thought Catalog)
• 25 Things You Wish You Could Ask Someone On A First Date (via Thought Catalog)

XXFactored Feb&Mar2011: Sex Charts, Mad Men & Causes Gone Wrong

I didn’t post an XXFactored update in February because the month was so busy that I barely had the time to scout for links. Other people however, did share links and I really wanted to showcase them. While on this, allow me a brief crib about the new Facebook page format. It shows the page admin’s links on the main page but other members links in a tiny box. Not cool, I say. It totally kills the spirit of community that link-sharing used to do.

Now on to the links.

• Someone’s idea of what happens to people of either gender when they fail their exams. It sparked off a heated debate. (via Lakshmi Jagad)
• HOWL-a-rious! ‘- 14 Realities of Romantic Relationships in chart form‘ (via Cracked)
• In memory of a remarkable woman and a talented musician laid to waste – ‘I’m Every Woman‘
  
• I’m sure a whole lot of us will be silently thanking the makers for this handy tool! – ‘5 Signs You’ve Been Stalking Your Ex Online Too Much‘ (via How About We)
• Harsh, hard-hitting….dare I say…true? The undeniably justified cause of gay rights, seems to have become no more than a free ride of attention and entertainment for those so privileged.  ‘The Queer Movement is dead; Long Live the Queer Movement!‘ (via DNA Newspaper, link courtesy Dhamini Ratnam)
• A hilarious set of charts – check out the ones mapping people who use Twitter daily versus others. – ‘10 Charts about Sex‘ (via OkCupid)
• ‘Why Indian Men are still boys‘ (via Tehelka, link courtesy Gautam Ghosh)
• ‘No, Catcalling is not a compliment and here’s why’ (via Hello Giggles, link courtesy Ashwini Mishra)
• If this 60s show has sparked off your fancy, here’s a look at some of the female stereotypes of the time by how Don Draper sees them. ‘4 Types Of Women Don Draper has Dated.‘ (via YourTango)

• ‘What Your Favorite Mad Men Lady Says About You‘ (via TheGloss)
• This is totally off the edge – ‘Marketing Xenosexuality: Women & the Sex Robot taboo?‘ (via Future of Sex, link courtesy Gautam Ghosh)
• “Lighten up” can be the most passive-aggressive chauvinistic phrase ever! ‘The Million Little Barbs of Lighten Up!‘ (via BuzzFeed)
• ‘Where Have All The Young Men Gone?‘ (via HR Blogs, links courtesy Gautam Ghosh)
• This is true of any movement – rabidity only works against you in the long run. ‘How Pro-Lifers made me a Pro-Choice Activist.‘ (via TheGloss)
• ‘5 Warnings to go with 5 Types of Men who make great husbands‘ (via From Outside The Mall, link courtesy Gautam Ghosh)

You can catch the links as they come in and even post your own to The XX Factor Facebook Page.

XXFactored Jan2011: First Dates, Rapists, Chauvinism & Break-up Sales

It’s been a gritty month here at XXFactor. I didn’t get as much writing done as I’d have liked to (even though my Drafts folder is overflowing). My reading has been more sombre than usual too. Here’s starting the Valentine’s month with some link-love:

• ‘My strength is not for hurting‘: An anti-rape campaign targetted at men. (via Facebook, link courtesy Kiran Manral)
• ‘First Date Questionnaire: 30 Something Edition‘: A crazy-ass questionnaire from that old favorite Thought Catalog.
• ‘Why Men Need Marriage‘: Very, very preachy & judgmental (though not as much considering the writer is a pastor).  (via Washington Post)
• ‘Can You Tell The Difference Between A Men’s Magazine And A Rapist?‘: I’ve never quite been able to reconcile pop culture’s permissiveness of porn with my fear of being labelled a prude. And now this article just makes me sad that I may have been right. (via Jezebel)
• ‘A Rant About Women‘: Women may get judged harsher than men. They’re also less inclined to take risks (of being wrong, of being caught, of looking foolish). This difference may be costing us more than we realize. (via Shirky, link courtesy Rehab Chougle & Phyrodite)
• ‘Why College isn’t really necessary for girls’ or ‘How to prove you’re an idiot’. (On Facebook, link courtesy Johann Matthai)
• You know how they say you should make a bonfire of the paraphernalia of a bad relationship? Instead, make some money off it by selling it off on Never Liked It Anyway.

You can catch the links as they come in and even post your own to the XX Factor Facebook Page.

XXFactored earlier:

• Spanx, Girl Gamers, Period Jokes & Relationship Trends
• Texting Etiquette, Gaslighting, Movember & Facebook As A Wingman
• Gender Stereotypes, Rape & What Women Mean

XXFactored Dec2011: Spanx, Girl Gamers, Period Jokes & Relationship Trends

December is the peak of my busybee season. So much has happened this year, as indeed, this last month.  I’m (pleasantly) surprised I managed to catch so much of good stuff online, as well.

In XX Factor news, longtime friend and well-wisher of my blogs, Meetu (also known as WOGMA) joined XX Factor as its newest guest-contributor, giving her own introduction with her first post ‘Mom-me‘.

• ‘Why Marriage Is A Declining Option For Modern Women‘ (via Guardian, link courtesy Gautam Ghosh)
• ‘Pick A Number‘: A hilarious point-scale of sexuality (via NewYorker)
• A graph on how the sexes name colour – Do men and women really see colours that differently? Or are men just plain lazy? (via Venks)
• ‘The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren’t Translatable Into English‘: Sex and the City gave us ‘La Douleur Exquise’ but who knew the deliciousness of ‘Retrouvailles’ or the sensuality of ‘Cafuné’? If you’re confounded, the article explains their meanings. (via BigThink, link courtesy Smriti Ravindra)
• ‘The Surprise Spanx Make-out‘: A fun read on the battle between getting help to look good & letting the world see that. (via Salon, link courtesy Lakshmi Jagad)
• A dating site and my new project!: ‘Ten Things Men Should Never Do While Dating‘ (via LoveBeckons)
• ‘Biggest Relationship Trends of 2011‘: The accompanying images are more than half the fun! (via Glo)
• ‘She’s Got Game‘: I’m not the kind of girl gamer she talks about. But I’ve felt the same ‘You’re off your territory’ attitude in the comics section of bookstores. (via Michelle Oraa Ali, link courtesy Ashwini Mishra)
• A way to get men to stop making those %^$ period jokes! (via RaggedTag)
• A funny cartoon on haircuts, men and women (link courtesy BlogAdda)

* Images via Salvatore Vuono, Idea go and Paul Martin Eldridge on FreeDigitalPhotos

You can catch the links as they come in and even post your own to the XX Factor Facebook Page.

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

XXFactored Nov2011: Texting Etiquette, Gaslighting, Movember & Facebook As A Wingman

The last few months of the year usually tend to speed up into one gorgeous flurry of parties, social events and conversations. 2011 didn’t disappoint XX Factor and I’m bringing you a hot bunch of links to chew over:

• I want to believe that this is just an excuse to push for more boys’ nights out! ‘Being Too Chummy With Your Partner’s Friends Linked To Problems In Bed‘ (via The Huffington Post)
• Why is talking about sex, suddenly taboo for men?: Women And Sex: Intimate Adventurers‘ (via The Huffington Post)
• ‘Fears of flying‘ What do our fantasy superhero powers say about us? And about our gender stereotyping? A great look at 1980s classics, Nagin and Mr.India. (via Ekantipur, link courtesy Annie Zaidi)
• Apparently this does need to be spelt out: ‘6 Bits Of Information That Should Never Be Relayed Via Text Message‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• We’re in Movember, which is the month that men are encouraged to stop shaving to raise awareness for prostate cancer. I’m not liking it but I’ll support it. (via HowAboutWe)
• Thank God Facebook gives you time to check yourself…err, your profile, before that ‘special someone’ sees you!: ‘9 Things To Do When Someone You Like, Friends You one Facebook‘ (via HowAboutWe)
• ‘Why Women Aren’t Crazy‘ An interesting concept called ‘gaslighting’. But I wonder, what good does it do, just knowing that there is a problem? (via The Good Men Project, link courtesy Ashwini Mishra)
• Making the modern man cool is Brotips – logos & messages that are smart & PC (via Brotips, link courtesy Karishma Rajani)
• The top 5 annoying habits of men (via AfternoonDC, link courtesy Ankita Gaba)
• ‘Why can’t women be more like men?‘ – an entertaining conversation in status update-and-comments (on Facebook, via Kalyan Karmakar)
• A Gaysi poll but it’s non-sexuality specific! ‘Which is the most important personality trait in deciding if someone is relationship material?‘ (via GaysiFamily)
• Vitriolic but sadly, steeped in fact: ‘Why Does India Hate Women?‘ (via India Journal, link courtesy Ashwini Mishra)

* Catch the links as they happen on The XX Factor Facebook Page. You can also share a link of your own (if it has to do with dating, relationships, womanhood, feminism, battle of the sexes or gender stereotypes) and you’ll be featured on the XX Factored post at the end of the month!

Featured earlier:

• XXFactored Oct2011: Gender Stereotypes, Rape & What Women Mean
• XXFactored Sep2011: Geek Girls & Romance In Current Times
• XXFactored Aug2011: Relationship Anarchy, Divorced Friends, Crushes & Glorious Singledom

XXFactored Oct2011: Gender Stereotypes, Rape & What Women Mean

XX Factor welcomed its second guest contributor, The Armchair Philosopher, this October. Here’s his first post, laying out the dilemma of being a Modern Man. I am looking at bringing in even more guest contributors so leave a comment telling me what you think about this. Onto the link-love:

• ‘Do You Think There Are More Women Bloggers Than Men?‘ (a discussion by BlogAdda)
  

  Image by Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com via Flickr

• ‘The speed in which a woman says ‘nothing’..’A titbit of wisdom on women (on Twitter by DeveshMistry)
  
• The Official Trailer of ‘Miss Representation’ (via Youtube, link courtesy GautamGhosh)
• ‘Why Feminists Have Better Sex‘ (via TheGlobeAndMail, link courtesy GautamGhosh)
• If being able to have sex (forced) is all that defines you as a man, what does that say about manhood?: ‘Horror Of South Africa’s Corrective Rape’ (via CNN, link courtesy ManojKewalramani)

* Catch the links as they happen on The XX Factor Facebook Page. You can also share a link of your own (if it has to do with dating, relationships, womanhood, feminism, battle of the sexes or gender stereotypes) and you’ll be featured on the XX Factored post at the end of the month!

Featured Earlier:

• XXFactored Sep11: Geek Girls & Romance In Current Times (xxfactor.wordpress.com)
• XXFactored Aug2011: Relationship Anarchy, Divorced Friends, Crushes & Glorious Singledom (xxfactor.wordpress.com)
• XXFactored Jul2011: Dating, Male Behaviour & A Woman’s Point Of View (xxfactor.wordpress.com)

XXFactored Sep11: Geek Girls & Romance In Current Times

So another month draws to a close and we’re nearly at a year of link-love on my blogs. Do drop me a line and tell me what you think of it!

XX Factor‘s first guest-contributor, The Single Married Man has been bringing this blog a whiff of freshness with his own brand of relationship musings. This month he talks about getting back into dating. There’s more to come from him and in the meantime, you can also catch him on Twitter.

There’s another guest-contributor coming up sometime this month but I won’t tell you anymore for the time being. Any suggestions on the kind of perspective you’d like to see here at XX Factor are welcome!

And here’s the month’s features:

Image via Wikipedia

• Yes, I’d imagine this would be ridiculously funny…except that I can’t imagine a man actually going all the way to this. ‘A Post Gender Normative Man Tries To Pick Up A Woman At A Bar‘ (via McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, link courtesy GautamGhosh)
• LOL @ Personal strength no.2!!’Romance Resume‘ (via McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, link courtesy GautamGhosh)
• ‘A Guide To Geek Girls‘ (via OldBoysNetwork, linked to by GautamGhosh)
• I was ROFLing all through and then I saw the last one and I pretty much fell out of the window! ‘21 Things We Secretly Suspect About The Opposite Sex‘ (via Cracked)

Featured earlier:

• XXFactored Aug2011: Relationship Anarchy, Divorced Friends, Crushes & Glorious Singledom
• XXFactored Jul2011: Dating, Male Behaviour & A Woman’s Point Of View
• XXFactored Jun2011: Living In, Female Sanitary Products, Appropriate Parenthood, Male Orgasms & A Playboy Bunny