While on this monologue, I passed over one particular profession. The noble one so to speak. For a fact, I haven’t ever dated a doctor. Well not a noble man either. Or a nobleman for that matter. Assuming for the moment that those of Apollo’s profession may have a strain of blue blood in them, here’s a look at the doctors I’d like to have a romantic appointment with:
Paediatrician: A man who’s good with kids is always a turn-on. Major. Uh, he would know about diapers too, wouldn’t he? Just checking..just in case.
Cardiologist: Considering that he is qualified to handle the human heart, perhaps he’s less likely than other men to break it?
Psychiatrist: What’s more appealing than a man who lets you lie down and keep talking and just listens? *Sigh* Even you do have to pay him to do that, it might be worth it just to find out what an actual listening man looks like. Besides, for a good ol’ brain-fuck, who better than the head-shrinker himself?
Surgeon: Aren’t these the guys who are supposed to have long, deft fingers? Ah. 
Gynecologists and Obstetricians do not make it to this list due to their professional proximity to the feminine form. I’d hate to be in the company of a man who seems to know more me than I do.
For the same reason, Endocrinologists fall out as well since I’d never be able to use the ‘I’m-done-to-chemical-death-with-these-hormones’ excuse on them.
I end this with the reminder to take this post just as seriously as you would this.
(Karaoke version of the original)
GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME
by Peter Sellers & Sophia LorenHer: Oh doctor, I’m in trouble.
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.
Her: For every time a certain man
Is standing next to me.
Him: Mmm?
Her: A flush comes to my face
And my pulse begins to race,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: Oh!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.Him: How often does this happen?
When did the trouble start?
You see, my stethoscope is bobbing
To the throbbing of your heart.
Her: What kind of man is he
To create this allergy?
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: Oh!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.Him: From New Delhi to Darjeeling
I have done my share of healing,
And I’ve never yet been beaten or outboxed,
I remember that with one jab
Of my needle in the Punjab
How I cleared up beriberi
And the dreaded dysentery,
But your complaint has got me really foxed.
Her: Oh.Her: Oh doctor, touch my fingers.
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.
Her: You may be very clever
But however, can’t you see,
My heart beats much too much
At a certain tender touch,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Him: I like it!
Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Him: Well, goodness gracious me.Him: Can I see your tongue?
Her: Aaah.
Him: Nothing the matter with it, put it away please.
Her: Maybe it’s my back.
Him: Maybe it is.
Her: Shall I lie down?
Him: Yes.
Her: Ahhh…Him: My initial diagnosis
Rules out measles and thrombosis,
Sleeping sickness and, as far as I can tell,
Influenza, inflammation,
Whooping cough and night starvation,
And you’ll be so glad to hear
That both your eyeballs are so clear
That I can positively swear that you are well,
Ja-ja, ja-ja-ja-ja.Her: Put two and two together,
Him: Four,
Her: If you have eyes to see,
The face that makes my pulses race
Is right in front of me.
Him: Oh, there is nothing I can do
For my heart is jumping too.
Both: Oh, we go boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: How audacious!
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: How flirtatious!
Her: Goodness gracious,
Him: It is me.
Her: It is you?
Him: Ah, I’m sorry, it is us.
Both: Ahhh!
